Chuck vs Himself - Vs The Rewrite
by MissMonk
Summary: Bigger, Longer, Uncut, and better grammar rewrite: After Sarah walked away from him on the beach Chuck fell apart. His friends are family are trying to help him but the government wants the Intersect up and running. With Chuck unable the function normally the government sees one option to get what they want: Laudanol. A/N: More info Inside
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So I've said I was going to do it so I am. This is my first Chuck fanfic and it was written 2 years ago. Since then I've written 10 other stories/one shots and I feel that I have much improved. Therefore I'm doing a rewrite of this. It'll be longer chapters, better fixed as its beta'd. And also brand new chapters because I feel as I re-read it there was a lot missing.**

 **So please read and review especially if you want me to continue, cause I'm kinda iffy about this.**

 **Thank you Charahkids for betaing.**

 **Original Ch 2879 words  
New Ch 4341 words**

Chapter 1

It had been six weeks since she left him. Six long weeks since their last moments on the beach where he sat with her for hours watching the sun rise behind them, lighting up the sky and telling her their story. Where he confessed Morgan's idea of a magical kiss healing everything that was wrong and could fix everything between them. She had conceded to the idea, asking him to kiss her though he could tell by her expression that she didn't expect a magical recovery at all. He didn't either, as much as he hoped and believed in the magical unorthodox world, He was well aware it was too much to ask.

It was sweet and beautiful and he could feel all his emotions for her pour in though that kiss. Her lips were soft and confident and felt ever familiar and everything inside of him prayed that she felt it too. It felt like it lasted for hours, his mind spinning on everything that was her but in reality probably only a few minutes before it ended.

The kiss was so intense, causing emotions to stir inside him that he had been trying to suppress during the weeks she had been gone. By the expression on her face he could tell that she was confused and overwhelmed by the experiment and a small glimmer of hope coursed through his body. Chuck pulled back from her slowly, his heart feeling heavy as he watched the tears start to stream down her face. His heart ached at them and reached over gently to wipe them away only to have her turn her head away from him.

Chuck lowered his outstretched arm and dropped it onto his lap as he watched her, waiting. It was always a waiting game with Sarah. He knew it, and he accepted it. Even the Sarah that had married him, who had learned to love him and show it in return was still impatient and annoyed when her emotions were outside her control. But Chuck had nothing but infinite patience when it came to the people that he loved.

"Sarah…" He said softly a few minutes later, not wanting to startle her, but not really sure of being able to speak in the first place. Sarah looked up suddenly at the sound of his voice as if he had yelled it and Chuck grimaced at her expression. He watched as she stared at the ocean furiously wiping the tears from her face.

"I...I have to go. I'm sorry." She said quickly getting up from her spot on the sand without saying anything else. Chuck looked up at her and stood as well in alarm, his mind panicking, becoming confused and not knowing what was happening or where she was going.

"Sarah, please! Don't leave." He pleaded after her retreating form. "Don't leave me! I LOVE YOU!" he shouted. Sarah walked quickly and determinedly further away from him, heading towards her car. She hadn't seemed to have heard his cries as she entered her car and drove quickly away without a second glance.

His heart felt heavy and pained as Chuck collapsed onto his knees sobbing. He doubled over placing his face in his hands upon the warming sand. His heart felt like it was being ripped apart, shattering into a billion pieces in his chest causing his breathe to become labored and pained.

Yet another person has left him. Another person who he had trusted and gave everything of himself to had abandoned him. Not just any one this time though. It was the love of his life, the person he loved more than anything else in the world. The woman he had waited years for and would have waited longer if he had had to. His wife.

The pain radiating through him was to intense, as he collapsed onto the sand, sobbing his pain out into the world, wishing the ocean would rise and drift him out to sea and end his suffering. Chuck didn't know how long he had lain in the sand like that. He couldn't feel if the sand warmed up around him or cooled off as the sun set once again. It could have been minutes, or hours, or even days for all he knew. Everything was just dull and he was numb as he cried the last tears he could force from his wary eyes.

He had no idea how he had gotten home after that. All Chuck remembered was waking up in his own bed at some point. He had looked around his room confused for a second, seeing Morgan asleep in the chair by the closet with his feet reclined on the edge of the bed. Chuck made no move to wake him, no move to signal anyone as he lay back down against his pillows at let the numbing ach take over him again as he fought to not think of her smell that surrounded him.

Time seemed irrelevant anymore to him after that. It didn't matter the time of day or day of the week. Yet again his life seemed to have fallen apart in ruins and this time he knew he wouldn't be able to pick up the pieces.

xxxxxx

"Guys, we really need to do something. He's falling apart, fast." Ellie said desperately at the congregation of friends and family in the court yard. Everyone nodded in agreement, well aware of what is needed to be done but not quite sure on how to go about it.

The group stood in silence, glancing at one another, waiting for someone to bring up some kind of answer or idea, but none came forth. Ellie worried her lip and crossed her arms over her chest annoyed more at herself than the others that she couldn't come up with a plan. She always had a plan, and if she didn't, she easily came up with one. It was a trait that had saved Chuck and herself many times since their parents left. Right now though she was at a loss.

"Are you sure it's safe to leave Clara with him?" Alex asked her concerned. They all turned to glance in the window of the apartment to see Chuck inside. He was in the same position they had left him in 10 minutes previous, lying on his side on the couch curled up in as tight a ball as possible staring into space. Clara, his almost year old niece was laying on top of him with her arms around his neck and her head against his sleeping peacefully. If the current situation weren't so dyer it would have been on of the cutest things ever.

"She's fine." Ellie responded. "But what are we going to do about Chuck?" Ellie asked impatiently. Again nothing but silence. "Seriously, am I the only one who cares here? My brother is dying!"

"Babe, we get it, we know. You need to calm down." Devon soothed her, calmly coming up to his wife. Ellie just glared at him giving him a 'don't touch me look' as he reached out to embrace her. Mary stepped quickly in between Ellie and her husband to quail any potential trouble. Ellie shot an annoyed glare at her mother for her interference before turning away from the group to look through the window again.

"Honey, I know you're upset, we all do and we are very concerned about Chuck as well. We just don't know what to do for him." Mary stated. "Maybe if we get him active again. Get him out in the field or do some analysis work it'll give him some sense of normalcy. I'll give a call to Diane and see if there's-"

"What? NO! Mother that's not what I meant." Ellie interrupted, turning quickly to tower over her mother angrily. "Going on a mission is not an option. If anything the CIA will see it as a good excuse to get rid of that stupid Intersect once and for all." Ellie shouted.

"And why not Eleanor? That could be what gets Chuck back on focus. It's what he does, it's who he is." Mary argued back.

Morgan raised his hand hesitantly behind them catching Ellies eye for a second before she tilted her chin indicating he could speak. "I'm sorry, Ellie, uh…Mrs. B, While I completely agree with Ellie-"

"Of course you do" Alex mumbled quietly.

"Mrs. B. May be onto something to." He finished.

Ellie took a deep breath and let it out slowly counting to ten, thinking that perhaps getting everyone involved in helping Chuck was a bad idea.

"Sending him out there to do whatever it is spies do in his current frame of mind would probably just get him killed. Is that what you want mother?" She bit out harshly.

"Of course not Ellie, but this attitude is exact evidence that you have no idea how spies operate." Mary countered.

"I don't care how spies operate mother, I care about Chuck and how he operates. Sending him out there will just get him hurt, or worst, killed. And I will not let that happen."

"He will not be killed Eleanor. He has the Intersect, Chuck is a very important government asset." Mary argued.

"And that's the problem mother, they see him as an asset not a person!"

"ENOUGH!" Everyone jumped slightly at the shout coming from the smallest of the group, one Morgan Grimes. They all stared at him wide eyed, surprised he had the gall to get in between the two strong volatile women. Morgan may be semi obnoxious, chaotic, and loud at times, but he is one to never shout. Morgan just shook his head in disgust standing on the edge of the fountain placing him above all the others heads.

"That is my best friend in there, and he is hurting and this arguing on how to help him isn't actually helping him!" Ellie clenched her jaw as she watched him look over at each of them as his words sunk in. "Mrs. B. I know you mean well, but I agree with Ellie. Chuck is in no condition to go on any mission. Especially since the Intersect is probably not working." Mary just huffed and turned away from him to look at Ellie again.

"Morgan you were just agreeing with Mary!" Alex pointed out.

"I know you mean well Morgan dear but you siding with Ellie is not exactly a surprise with your little crush." She said.

"Now wait a minute." Alex started to cut in only to be stopped by Morgan putting his hand on her shoulder to stop her.

"That was uncalled for mother. Just, forget it. I'll help him myself." Ellie huffed out and turned back to go enter Chuck's, now her and Devon's as well apartment. She was tempted to slam the door shut to emphasize how angry she was but decided it wouldn't be best to startle Chuck and Clara.

She plopped down into the big comfy chair next to the couch and stared at her brother and daughter. Clara was fast asleep still atop her Uncle while Chuck just laid there staring straight, not seeing anything. Ellie was tempted to turn off the TV to get some silence, her mind racing and jumbled over everything but she decided against it. She was actually hoping that while he wasn't watching the screen in front of him her brother was at least listening to it. That he was somewhat aware of his surroundings and not just lost in his own world like she feared the most.

Looking at the screen she watched as Ariel swam around the see with her little friend Flounder, singing songs and getting into mischief. The film, The Little Mermaid was Clara's current favorite Disney movie and as much as it annoyed Ellie to no end, it was on a constant loop playing multiple times throughout the day. It kept Clara entertained and quiet and she loved to sit on or with her uncle while it played, bringing him out of his room, so Ellie couldn't fault the film too much.

Ellie rested her head against the back of the chair and curled up staring at the ceiling. For the millionth time in the past few months she thought about how everything had gone so wrong for Chuck. Their lives together has always been trouble and marked with horrible experiences, stemmed mostly from their parents abandoning them. She had had to raise chuck since her mother walked out, even before their father left them.

Ellie had had to grow up fast with a little brother to care for. College was hard for her, harder than it should have been. She was smart and she knew it, getting full rides to both college and medical school. But she had still had Chuck in high school to deal with. Luckily, Mrs. Grimes, Morgan's mother adored Chuck, like every other adult in the world aside from their own parents apparently and had allowed him to practically live with them the last couple years of high school. It also didn't hurt that Chuck was an amazing kid to begin with. He had started off just like any other little brother, annoying and irritating. But their mother leaving had caused him to have to grow up too. He was smart, straight A student, and she knew he figured out that after their mother left that everything would be up to Ellie to take care of them.

Just as quickly as their lives changed with one less parent around, Chuck had changed from the annoying little brother to a responsible young man. Always cleaning up after himself, doing his homework without being told, he did laundry. Her favorite part was he tried to not bring Morgan around as much, though as much as she detested the little troll growing up, she couldn't be more thankful for his friendship with Chuck.

A smile played across her lips as she remembered some of the best news she had gotten a few years later. She couldn't have been more proud of her brother then when he told her over one of their Saturday gouge fests they did that he had gotten a full ride scholarship to Stanford. She had burst into tears when he told her and they had spent all night planning the future and what they want and dreamed of. It was one of her favorite memories. Ellie had never felt so close to her brother than at that moment, and so relieved that he had a future ahead of him and their struggles had paid off.

With Chuck off to Stanford she was finally able to feel free enough to focus on her own life, her main focus being on her schooling and raising Chuck. She had then met Devon on the first day of Medical school. What was supposed to be a fling or two in a supply closet turned out to become her first real relationship. Everything was going so well for her, and for Chuck.

That was until a phone call one afternoon a few years later. Chuck had gotten kicked out of school. She was horrified. She couldn't believe it. They had accused him of stealing tests and expelled him without so much as an investigation. She didn't even have to ask if it was true, knowing it wasn't. Chuck was a great many things but she knew without a shadow of doubt that Chuck was honest and would never steal tests. A week later after moving home she had come home from work, doing her first year of residency, to find chuck laying on the couch, much like he was now. He had gone up to Stanford to talk to Jill, his girlfriend of 3 years, to find out she was sleeping with Bryce Larkin, his best friend, who had got him kicked out of school.

She had never hated anyone so much in her life as she did Jill and Bryce.

The time after that was some of the most difficult and painful times. Watching her brother fall apart wasn't easy. She felt sick seeing him and his pain, unable to help him in any real way. She tried to be the supportive sister but she was worried about him and always tried to get him out of his depression, going so far as to even suggest, frequently, that he seek some medical help for it. Chuck had practically wasted away, a skeleton of his old self and it scared her that she was going to lose him for good. Luckily Morgan was there for him, like he always was. She never really liked Morgan, and found him creepy and disgusting most times, but she tolerated him, a lot, because of his loyalty to Chuck.

After that time, it was up and down with Chuck. He took everything after that so hard, accepted failures and let them build, never accepting success. His promotion to Nerd Herd supervisor, while she wanted him to live up to his potential and get a better job, she was proud of him, while he just saw it as another chain added that will keep him there forever.

Eventually he met Sarah Walker, and though she came with all sorts of ups and downs and drama and depressions and pains for her brother, ultimately they got it together and her brother was happy. Truly happy for probably the first time in his life. He had a job he loved, he had his soul mate, he wasn't lying anymore to everyone, since they all knew his secret now, and he had gotten their mother back. Even with things like Sarah being poisoned and them getting kicked out of the CIA, they were on top of the world. But now Ellie was worried that this could be the blow that finally takes her brother away.

Three weeks ago, she and Devon had decided to not go to Chicago. After Sarah had left, and Casey as well, Ellie couldn't leave him. Not in the state he was in. So after talking to Devon, who was well aware since the beginning of their relationship all those years ago, knew that Chuck was one of under Clara now the most important people in her life, they decided to stay. They had already given their notice so they lost their apartment, but that was fine. They just moved back in with Chuck. She didn't even think he noticed, but she was glad they did. He was bad now, she was too afraid to imagine how he would end up if they hadn't. So here they were.

"Babe." Devon said in a whisper, putting his hands on her shoulders and gently massaging them. She had jumped slightly, so lost in her own thoughts she didn't hear him enter the house again. She tipped her chin up to give him a kiss in which he reciprocated.

"Don't worry El, we'll figure it out. We won't let him fade." He said encouragingly, kissing her again. She just looked back at Chuck for a moment taking a deep breath.

"I hope so. I really do hope so."

xxxxxxx

General Diane Beckman stared at the report on her desk. It was from the highest government official possible, the President himself. With domestic terrorism on the highest level happening he wanted the Intersect up and running as soon as possible. The report that Chuck Bartowski had once again uploaded the Intersect had been tremendous news for all agencies, and they were all eager to put him into action.

However what none of the other agencies knew, or even cared about if Beckman was honest, was how glitchy it could be when the host was in an emotional state, and that right now, it probably was not working at all. Chuck was an emotional guy, never shying from it and not afraid to use it or show it. While she tried to keep everything professional and unattached even she, a hardened 25 year veteran of the US military, General and head of the NSA, couldn't help but be affected by Chuck Bartowski's kind nature.

The news of Sarah's departure from the damaged Intersect had erased her memories had split even her harden heart and feel for Chuck. She knew without a doubt, with Sarah gone and back at the farm at Langley getting recertified, that the Intersect in Chuck Bartowski was out of commission, and would be for a long time.

Beckman took a deep breath considering her options. Before reporting to the Chief she would need more information on what the situation at hand was. She debated on who would be the best source, grimacing severely as she thought of Morgan Grimes. While she appreciated his enthusiasm she found him to be a general pain in the ass. Plus she wasn't quite sure if he'd be willing to diverge any real information to her. His loyalty to Chuck was admirable, even to the General. His sister, Ellie Woodcomb was also out of the question, knowing how protective she was of her brother, which while obnoxious the General could understand and appreciate, would not give any information if it would lead to Chuck being put back in the field. His mother was the same, even if she was a friend of hers.

Her last option was Col. John Casey. She knew he was currently out of the country with Gertrude Verbanski, a private security specialist, and that he was no longer a member of the NSA, hence why he was last but she needed the report and she needed it soon and without as much civilian drama as possible. She took a deep breath before picking the phone and calling Casey's secure private phone number. It rang several times before he picked up.

"John Casey, how may I help you General" John Casey's gruff voice came clear over the phone.

"Colonel, I need a report on Chuck Bartowski's current state." She stated briefly, conveying authority in her voice. She heard Casey pause for a moment, probably to try on what angle she was pulling. She tried to hide the small smile that crept upon her stern face. Chuck Bartowski was certainly a special man if he could instill such loyalty in someone such as John Casey and make him hesitate to report what he knows to a General.

"As far as I know Bartowski is still in Burbank. Aside from that I have no knowledge of his current actives." He said briskly. Beckman could tell he was holding something back and tried not to roll her eyes.

"You have no knowledge of anything involving Bartowski?" She pushed. Again silence for a moment on the other side.

"No Ma'am. I have not been in contact much with anyone there except to check on my daughter." He stated. Beckman nodded, not that he could see that. "If I may inquire General, why are you seeking information on Bartowski?" He inquired. Beckman paused for a moment herself, thinking if it would be beneficial to inform him of the situation or to give him minimal as needed information.

"The Joint Chiefs want to put the Intersect back out in the field as soon as possible."

"That is not a good idea General." Casey burst out. Beckman raised her eyebrow knowingly. Yes, she knew he was hiding something.

"And why is that Col." She heard him on the other line take a few deep breaths. She almost felt bad about pushing him for the information but orders were orders and the President would not be denied.

"General," He started and paused again. It was silent a few moments with Casey gathering his thoughts and Beckman waiting for what she knew would be coming.

"General, Bartowski is in no condition to go out in the field. From my intel he's practically catatonic." He paused again, taking a deep breath. "Last I heard from Alex, Ellie was looking into putting him away." He stated bluntly. That surprised her a little.

"What do you mean by 'put him away?'" She inquired, knowing exactly what he meant but needing him to spell it out for her. The more solid information she had the better she'll have to attempt to shut this down.

"They're looking for a hospital to put him in." He said grudgingly, hating the feeling of betraying his friend. "He hasn't been placed yet due to his sister being particular, but it should be anytime now." That surprised her a bit. She didn't think the situation could have been that bad off.

"I see." She said simply not exactly knowing what to say to that. The silence stretched out to an almost uncomfortable level before Beckman came back to herself.

"Thank you Col. for informing me of the situation." She stated briskly before terminating the call in her normal abrupt manner.

She looked down at the orders in front of her again, ordering her to assess the current situation of the Intersect. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, sitting back in her big chair, considering the best course of action to take.

If Chuck's sister, who Beckman knew was a competent and accomplished doctor felt that her brother would be better off in a hospital setting than at home with her and her doctor husband than the situation was far worse than she originally thought. He would be of no use to them in his current state and part of her was relieved. Chuck Bartowski had too much heart for the type of business the NSA and CIA was into, and though he was the best asset she'd ever had the misfortune to have, she knew he was better off away from any government agencies.

With her decision in mind she brought up her computer and began typing her report. Her only hope was that they would listen and leave Bartowski out of whatever plans they wanted him for.

 **A/N: Please RR. And if any of you remember I'm in horse racing and its triple crown season so, updates will be sporadic. (plus i'm writing a vamp diaries ff. Yes i'm ashamed of myself but I can't help it!)**


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks to Charahkids for reading this crap! Thanks for reviewing. Personal thanks at the bottom as always.

Ch 2: Original 2423 Words

Ch2: New 4213 words

Chapter 2

Chuck sat in his large comfortable chair in his bedroom by the window. He'd been staring out at the fountain unseeingly for; he didn't even know the amount of time. Time seemed to stop having any meaning to him as his life fell apart. Day, night, evening, it was all the same. He didn't know the day or the week, the month of the year or even the time of day. If he were honest with himself he couldn't even bring himself to care.

He was curled up in as tight a ball as his tall lanky frame would allow on the chair, resting his thinning cheek against his knees. Despite living in Southern California and it being summer Chuck felt cold, and his body craved a blanket or a sweatshirt to warm up his gangly body, but he couldn't bring himself to get up and grab something. Moving would indicate he cared about his wellbeing, and he didn't. He didn't care about anything that involved himself. Chuck had been so cold and numb over the past few weeks, both inside and out, he could barely remember what it felt like to feel warm any more.

Lately he had been spending more and more time alone in the chair staring out the window. He liked watching the water fall endlessly from fountain. The sound it made as it flowed through the top and dropped to the tiers below to the final pool soothed his mind in a way that allowed him not to think. He could focus on the beautiful tinkling sound of the moving water as it endlessly repeats its trail and less on what continually looped through his mind and aching heart.

Sarah's leaving had hit him hard and he knew his reaction to his wife's departure was extreme. Normal people didn't completely fall apart when their spouses left. They grieved, maybe get some professional help, and moved on. But he couldn't help how he felt and how hard the loss was hitting him. Chuck just tired. Tired of all it all. All the drama, all the loss, all the pain.

Despite all the bad things that have ever happened to him, he had always tried to be a good person and be kind and welcoming to everyone he met. It was the most aggravating thing about him, and he knew it. Those close to him frequently would try to discourage him from being so open with everyone he met but he couldn't help himself. He knew what it was like to be rejected and ignored or unwelcomed and it wasn't in Chuck to allow anyone else to feel that if there were something he could do, regardless who they were. So like any self-respecting chivalrous idiot he always put himself out there and did everything in his power to make the other person happy, many times at the expense of himself.

The worse part was always when his so-called good deeds would come back and bite him in some way and he would spiral once again into depression. Chuck was well aware that his frequent bouts depression showed clearly through over the years despite trying his hardest to hide it, but it was always towards himself. He never wanted to hurt anybody else, especially not his sister who tried so hard to help him or his best friend. But this last straw just broke him completely. He had felt it when she had walked away and something inside of him shattered into a million or more pieces. He knew it was different this time and he knew he wouldn't be able to shake himself out of this one no matter what happened next.

With time passing him by unnoticed, Chuck didn't even know how long it had been since Sarah had left him on the beach. No matter what length of time did or didn't pass by it always felt fresh and new as if it had just happened. He spent most of his days and nights doing nothing but letting his mind replay everything he had ever done wrong to lead him to lose Sarah or blissfully letting his mind go blank, taking all the painful thoughts away if only for a little while. He lacked the energy or the will to do anything outside of that.

He had started off just lying in bed, curled up under the blankets that he had once shared with his wife and stared off at nothing in particular with dull glazed eyes. After what had felt like weeks but for all he knew could have been months or years, Chuck managed to get himself out of bed and into the chair he was currently in at least, if only to slightly appease his sister. She had been pressuring him to come out of his room to watch a movie or spend time with her and Clara. He knew Ellie was upset over what was happening to him, always being his protector, the one person who always stayed with him, but he couldn't bring himself to exactly care. Which in turn hurt him even more and he buried himself deeper in his grief.

That was until the day when Ellie begged and pleaded with him to get out of his bed and come out to the living room. To join the living once again because his family and friends missed him, and loved him, and worried so much about him. Chuck had ignored her pleas each time, choosing to stare into space and keep his mind as blank as possible until one day she just collapsed on his bed heavily near the end of it. She had sobbed uncontrollably and incoherently, the pain she had felt for him easily recognizable through her gasps for air. He had never heard her like that before, so lost and desperate and afraid for him. She had crawled up the length of his body and curled up next to him over the blankets, and wrapped herself around him as much as possible as if protecting him from the world. She had sobbed into his shoulder that he couldn't leave her, that she needed him. That whatever pain Sarah had left for him, Ellie loved him too and would never leave him.

She had stayed there for hours just whispering to him, running her hands through his now longer dirty hair and sobbing every now and then only to calm herself down and repeat over again. It had alarmed him how numb he had felt during the whole display. He knew he should feel something; regret, sadness, anger, all at himself for causing his sister this pain. His sister who had done nothing but love him, and raise him, and encourage him his entire life. But he couldn't feel anything of that love and gratitude at all. Just cold all over and blank inside.

The next day he had dragged himself, literally out of bed, and took a shower.

After weeks of lying in bed it was a struggle. He felt winded and unsteady as he placed his feet as firmly as possible on the side of the bed and pushed himself up. The world had tilted several times and he had to pause and take hold of the wall but eventually he had made it into the large bathroom he now shared once again with his sister and her husband.

The hot water had felt good upon his skin as it cascaded down his head and over his body. He had taken a moment to look at himself in the mirror as the water had heated and hated what he had seen. He was more skinny than lanky now, his ribs protruding from his chest, there were more sharp angles then before and his once tanned skin was starting to look pale and wane. Chuck didn't even know when the last time he ate was. Food was brought to him several times a day, he believed, wasn't really sure as he never paid it any attention. When his stomach turned however at the thought of food and he felt as though he may heave he had turned back to the shower and had gotten in, allowing himself to feel clean again even if it was to be short lived.

The momentary reprieve of physical feeling caused by the shower was short lived though. After a few moments the numbness had returned and his mind starting to fog again. Chuck stayed under the spray of the water, not realizing when the hot water had run out and begun pouring icy water down on his naked thinned self. The numbness caused by the cold water and the numbness called from everything else held no difference to him.

He didn't remember anything after that. He presumed since his next cognitive thought had him lying in bed once more that someone had gotten him out of the shower and back into bed. He burrowed and curled deeper into the blankets that had covered him, seeking warmth that he knew would never come again and let his mind go blank as it realized the blankets had been changed and washed and Sarah's scent was no longer present.

The next day, or perhaps several days later, he wasn't sure, his mind jolted back to Ellie and the last interaction with her sobbing and clutching him. Pain jolted through his chest and somehow got the energy to drag himself out to the living room. It was then that he learned that it had been just over a month since Sarah had walked away from him on the beach and that his sister and her husband moved back into the apartment with him. His living room didn't even look like his own anymore as it was filled with boxes that hadn't been unpacked and children's toys littered every available surface.

But recently he's taken to just staring out the window of his room, enjoying the silence directed towards him as life kept moving around him freely. Thoughts of drowning himself in the fountain flickered through his mind briefly, frequently but he always dismissed it. Thoughts of just ending his life and getting it over with, moving on from it and just stop all the pain has become frequent thoughts in his mind. He knew he should be frightened by these thoughts and visions of suicide but he couldn't feel anything, and if he felt anything at all regarding them, it was a bit of comfort. The only thing from stopping himself was his family and the possibility, though he acknowledges slim, was that Sarah would come back to him.

A noise at his door broke him out of his thoughts, almost startling him. It was a small tapping sound at the bottom. If he had pets he'd swear it was them trying to get in but he knew it was Clara. It had been an increased frequent thing for her. Now almost a year old she was crawling all over the place, and one place she frequented was Chucks door, tapping at the very bottom, somehow knowing he was in there.

He turned away from the sound to stare back out the window ignoring her incessant tapping.

However the door opened slightly and he heard the patter of knees and hands crawling on the hardwood floor quickly, and a small giggle rising as she was obviously picked up from the floor by whoever had followed her in. Little feet were dangled in front of his face, blocking his vision from the window as the child giggled and was held out to him. But Chuck didn't reach back out for her and she gave a loud screech of disappointment as he turned away from her. He wanted to be alone, but the person who held out Clara, which of course was Ellie was persistent and unwrapped his arms from his legs and deposited the child on him before sitting at the end of his bed smugly.

Chuck didn't know what to do. Clara wiggled in his arms, babbled her baby talk as if everything was normal. The innocent little girl was too young to know what was going on around her and a part of him both loved her for it and hated her for it. A brief sharp pain cut through the numbness of his heart as he thought that and in knowing that he wasn't a good Uncle to her. Closing his eyes for a second as the pain dissipated back to nothing, he then turned back to the window, ignoring the wiggling little girl who tried to catch his attention.

"Chuck." Ellie said, shifting forward a bit on his bed. Chuck didn't acknowledge she had said anything, hoping she would just give up and take Clara and leave. He heard her blow out a breath of frustration she must have been holding in trying to hold back more tears. Ellie always seemed to be in tears every day and Chuck hated that he was the cause of it.

"I don't know what to do for you Chuck." She whispered despondently. Silence spread between them, the only sounds coming from Clara as she continued babbling to Chuck. "Please look at me." Ellie begged. But he wouldn't, knowing what was coming now. He had heard them discussing it to themselves when they thought he was asleep or so out of it that he wouldn't hear, but he had, and Chuck had waited for it, knowing it would come eventually.

"Chuck, you need more help then what we can give you here." He heard her sniff as her voice cracked in dismay. The feeling of failure radiated off of Ellie and it devastated him. He didn't want her to cry more over him, he didn't want her to feel helpless and lost on what to do. She had strived her whole life taking care of him and then taking care of other people as she became a doctor, and her failure in helping her own brother, Chuck couldn't even imagine what that must feel like.

"We've decided, that you need more help Chuck. You're wasting away dying here and I can't let that happen. I need to do what I can and do what is best for you, and as much as it pains me, that means I have to let a professional help." She was full out crying now. "Or a professional in this area of expertise, or whatever." Ellie stumbled over her words as she got more emotional.

"We've?" He asked, his voice so quiet he wasn't even sure Ellie would have heard him. Clara however did as she reached her hand up to his mouth and patted it gently.

He heard Ellie take a few calming breaths and scoot even closer to him. "Devon and I. We've decided. We talked to Morgan about it, and Mom of course but in the end it was Devon and my decision." She explained. "We want what is best for you."

Chuck turned from the window then, glancing down at Clara. She was so beautiful with her short curly hair and her hazel eyes. He could tell already that she was going to be the spitting image of Ellie, not that Clara would be unlucky to look like Devon. The little girl stopped her babbling for once and just stared up him with wide curious eyes and Chuck wondered if she could see the sadness and pain that he felt and knew was so easily shown in his own. He didn't want this beautiful creature to have to grow up with him like this. With her parents always stressed and worried about him, about what he may or may not do. How he was mentally.

Chuck knew that if he fought to not get better care Ellie would allow him to stay with them indefinitely. He could see it now in his mind's eye, four years later, eight years, ten. Clara coming home from school all happy and excited, wanting to share what she had learned and of tell of her adventures with all her little friends. But instead, being scolded and told she needed to be quiet because Uncle Chuck was having an off day, or some other reason involving him that would dampen her and any siblings she may have spirits. He didn't want to be a stress for his sister, holding her back from whatever she wants in life.

"I think that is what's best as well." He said softly, his voice hoarse from lack of use. Ellie's crying hitched as she took a deep breath as if afraid if she breaths he won't speak again.

"Chuck…" She started quietly, not quite sure what to say, obviously afraid if she said anything more he'll never speak again. He turned his gaze from Clara to his sister, and for the first time in months made eye contact with her. He took a few steading breaths, trying to work the words in head to come out of his mouth.

"I want you to put me away in a hospital. Get the doctor to say I'm incapable of making competent decisions and then get a lawyer to help you take control of my assets." He said firmly. He knew this had to be done, it was the best course for Ellie and her little family. Sarah had left without taking anything. He wasn't even sure if she was aware of all they had, the money, the Buy More, the house he had bought in hopes of starting a family with her once their funds were released from the CIA. They needed someone to care for them, and as much as he hated to burden anyone, or admit it, he needed someone he trusted to care for him too. Otherwise he knew he would just let himself waste away to nothing.

"I don't want to do that Chuck. I want you better, why are you doing this?" She sobbed. Chuck felt his heart beat a few times, tugging at him to feel something but it just went back to being numb.

"I know you don't but it has to be. And I…" He stopped. He what? He wanted to say he trusted her. Because he knew deep down that he did. Out of everyone in the world he trusted her the most. She had never let him down. But trust was a fickle thing with him. He trusted Sarah, and through no real fault of her own, but because of Quinn, she had broken it and walked away. He knew she wasn't to blame. She didn't even know who he was, but it hurt deeply regardless.

"Ellie, please." He whispered quieter than before. For the first time since the beach he felt tears fall down his cheek. He hadn't cried since then, too numb to do so. He knew this was the right course of action. She nodded, and wiped the tears furiously from her cheeks before more came rushing down faster than before.

Chuck squeezed Clara tighter to him. She squealed in delight at finally getting a reaction from her Uncle, causing more tears to fall from his own eyes. She reached up and patted his cheeks as if to say 'it's alright' as he stared down at her beautiful face. It was quiet in the room for a few more minutes before Ellie finally stood up and reached to take Clara from his arms. For the first time he was reluctant to give her back, afraid this might be the last time that he would ever get to hold her, but he gave one final squeeze around her before handing her to Ellie again.

"I'll make the arrangements Chuck. I want you to get better. I need you to get better. We all do. We need you." She said fiercely, and he knew she believed it. He watched her exit his room, glancing back at him once more before closing the door behind her. He wiped the tears from his face, and went back to staring out the window. Allowing the flowing water from the fountain once more calm his mind.

It was the right thing to do, to leave. He was useless as he was and he knew he'd probably continue to be in the future. He was broken and beat down and just plain tired. Chuck felt confident and comfortable knowing that Ellie would have control of his finances and assets. He hoped that she would take some of his almost billion dollars and invest it in something good like her own private practice like she's always dreamed.

Though he knew she wouldn't. Regardless she would always see it as his money and she was just holding it till he was sane again, but that would never come. He would never be sane, never be in his right mind ever again. The old Chuck of just under six months ago was gone for good. Mortally wounded by Quinn and then finally killed off by the woman that he loved more than anything.

To himself he seemed as if he were already dead, already out of life. Once he was finally committed and out of the world, he would be as good as completely dead until the day when his body finally stops trying to survive. And then he hoped he'd fine peace, and those he considered family to be happy and free of the burden that he always felt he was. Free of Chuck Bartowski.

Washington DC

"Yes sir. I understand but I don't believe…Yes sir. The report states he's not doing well in the facility he's in. No sir I believe its Bartowski not the facility itself. It's a top notch hospital." General Beckman rolled the pin that sat on her desk back and forth as she listened to the Director of the NSA on the other end of the phone. A habit she had put a stop to years ago but for some reason couldn't stop right now.

"Sir, I don't think it's in the best interest of…I understand sir. I will make arrangements." With a sigh she hung up the phone finally. She had spent the past 4 weeks since her call to Col Casey regarding Bartowski trying to squelch this effort to put the intersect back into working order.

Since her last report when the initial orders came through she had learned that, per his request, Chuck Bartowski had had his sister Ellie Woodcomb put him in a psychiatric hospital and took control of all his financial assets. She had pulled the national security card and got access to all his records at the facility. The prognoses was not good and her report to her bosses was not received well.

Chuck Bartowski was currently tied to a bed with a feeding tube in him due to his unwillingness to eat. His malnutrition and severe depression had his doctors extremely concerned and is getting to the point where they will be nothing they can do for him. The medications he's on has done nothing to alleviate what ails him which didn't surprise her as even she knew there was no cure for a broken heart. He had denied anyone to visit him including Ellie, which didn't go over well as she had power of attorney over him.

Yet despite his decline, the Joint Chiefs still wanted him in the field. They wanted their Intersect, and General Diane Beckman hadn't a clue how to deliver him. They have kicked ideas out over the past two weeks, from forcing him to suck it up, which she still wasn't sure how that would work, to sending Agent Walker back to him as an assignment to get him back in proper order. She didn't think that was a good idea either.

She knew that Agent Walker would go back if ordered; she was after all a good Agent of the CIA. However even General Beckman felt that was a low blow to such an asset to the country, and she had voice that point vehemently.

She jumped slightly as her phone rang again, annoyed at herself for being so deep in thought and not paying attention to her surroundings.

"General Beckman." She said briskly picking up the phone. She listened to the caller for a moment or two before her eyes went wide in astonishment.

"That is not an option sir. That hasn't even been tested on human subjects yet." She argued. The voice on the other side of the line didn't seem to notice her disagreement as they continued. Once they were finished General Diane Beckman took a deep breath to try to calm herself, she was talking to a superior after all.

"Sir, I must vehemently disagree with this plan of action. To use that method could cause devastating results to Mr. Bartowski." She listened for a few minutes more before the call ended and she hung up. She stared out wide eyed in shock, not sure what exactly she can to do fix this.

The Joint Chiefs and Directors of the NSA and CIA have decided the best course of action for the Intersect is to put him on Laudanol.

 **A/N: Wow, I got more love for this re-written chapter of a previous published story than I did from any of my vampire stories. I think I know where my fan base is.**

 **Next chapter hopefully next week. AND its going to be a BRAND NEW ONE! yeah, i was reading and there's a gap I think needs filling. So keep your eyes out for the brand spanking new chapter 3, coming to an email near you!**

 **Mufc8:** Thanks! its good to be back. I'm making tons of changes while keeping the original in tact. I hope you enjoy it.

 **Nomadic Nerd:** HI YOU! Missed your reviews tons and I've been tickled reading them! So, i Know Sarah wouldn't have been able to really join the CIA completely because of her memory loss and when I started this story I never imagined her as a full agent, mostly because I knew where I was going and the time frame but she's too good to keep as an instructor so in my mind she's used mostly for task forces and such and not like strictly spy related things. Plus theoretically the CIA doesn't work domestically so mums the word.

Also from your review of ch 22 of the original: Chuck always felt guilt over everything that's ever happened even if it wasn't his fault. I agree that he wouldn't typically have taken so much responsibility for everything that had happened as he was forced into it but if you look at it from a psychological perspective, Chuck isn't in his right mind. His minds been damaged not only repeatedly from the Intersect but with all his emotional and mental trauma over everything that's happened and then they drug him.

 **charahkids:** I'm sorry and you are?

 **phnxgrl:** Thanks and I will

 **duke2300:** Thanks! I re-read the original and I was horrified by how badly it was written. I hope you enjoy this one just as much since its better written lol.

 **phathead01:** I'm glad to be back. My ego really needed a boost! I've written a few Vampire Diaries stories and its like pulling teeth to get a review. I love and appreciate how open and supportive Chuck fans are. Plus...re-writing this has given me some ideas for maybe a sequel or something.

 **Guest:** Lifting the horse off the ground to wash it? that woulda been something to see!

 **Sevenrez:** Well I felt there was a lot of underwritten emotions and angst here so I thought I'd add some more and abuse my fave 6'4 man some more.

 **wilf21:** Understandable. This story will have more angst in it but I'm going to attempt some fluff as well to make it more well-rounded.


	3. Chapter 3

While I make no apologies...I'm sorry it took so long. My work office is being all reconstructed and I'm all displaced. On top of that I just got back from a 10 day vaca at the beach. WOOT! Thank you Charahkids for reading through.

This is an ALL NEW chapter 3, filling in some missing parts. Its short but *shrugs*

Thank you all who read and reviewed, personal thanks at bottom as always.

Chapter 3 (new chapter)

"What do you mean he's not here? Where in the hell could he be?" Ellie shouted at the doctor in front of her. Her heart rate had sped up and she could feel veins in her neck begin to explode as she stared at the man in front of her.

"Honey, I'm sure-"

"Don't Devon. Just..." Ellie stopped, taking a deep breath. It wasn't her husband's fault, she knew that and getting angry wasn't going to make matters any better. "Tell me what happened." She stated firmly, her voice shaking as she tried to contain her anger.

The doctor in front of her seemed to brace himself as he stared between Ellie and her husband. It was obvious he would rather be anywhere but where he was but Ellie wasn't going to let him go without thoroughly taking the place down piece by piece to find out what happened to her brother.

"Mrs. Woodcomb-"

"Doctor Woodcomb. I'm a Doctor, as I've told you multiple times over the past three months that you've been treating my brother. His name is Chuck, you misplaced him remember?" She bit out angrily.

Silence descended the room for a few moments before the doctor began speaking again.

"I apologize Doctor Woodcomb, this is highly unusual. As you know I'm not Chuck's main physician here as Doctor Hamilton transferred out last week. We've already inquired with him on if he has any idea of Chuck's whereabouts but as he hasn't seen him for a week…well."

"So basically you're telling me that my brother is missing and you don't know where he is." She bit out again.

The doctor sighed and sat back in his chair, steeping his fingers in an annoying way that always reminded her of those villains in Chuck and Morgan's geek shows.

"Doctor Woodcomb he was in his bed safe and sound last night at 10:21pm when the nurse did her last bed check. He was heavily medicated with a sedative and there is no way he could have gotten out on his own."

"So you're saying somebody kidnapped him." She surmised, but he shook his head.

"No, we're not implying that either. Our security was on alert all night and we checked all surveillance feeds and all card lock records. Nobody had gotten in or out of the ward last night. I can't explain it." He sighed tiredly.

With that Ellie gave up listening to him and stood up, pulling her husband with her. "I have no idea how you could lose a 6'4 150lb man, but I guarantee when the police get through with you, you'll find out."

With that she turned away from the stunned doctor and headed for the door angrily, pulling it open harder than necessary and stomping out. She walked quickly down the hall with Devon trailing behind her at a steady pace, neither speaking until they were sitting securely in their car.

"Ellie, don't worry, they'll find him." Devon said soothingly as he grabbed her hand tightly in his. But she just shook her head, not believing.

"No, they won't Devon, and you know why? Because they have him. I don't how or exactly why but they took him from here."

"Who babe?"

"The government! The CIA! They wanted Chuck and they took him. It's the only thing that makes sense. There's no evidence of him leaving and yet he's missing." She shouted, covering her face with her hands.

She heard Devon sigh next to her as he started the car to head home. The ride was silent as Ellie eventually dropped her hands to stare out the window, watching the world go by and life go on. She missed the being as blissfully unaware of what was really going on in the world like everyone else. She was glad to finally know what Chuck had been doing the past few years, glad to know that he was living up to his potential even if it was very dangerous and life threatening. But at the same time, she never felt safe anymore, not like she used to.

"Maybe he did leave El. He's a super spy, I'm sure he could have gotten out of that room without detection easily." Devon suggested breaking the silence.

"Why would he do that?" Ellie asked tiredly not even bothering to look from the window.

"Well, you know Chuck. He doesn't want you to worry about him." Devon pointed out. "You've gone every week since he was placed in that hospital and he turned you away each time El. Maybe he just doesn't want you to bother anymore."

Ellie turned her head and stared at her husband with narrowed eyes. If it was anyone else she would probably see that but this was Chuck, and this was her. Their bond was different than most siblings and she knew without a doubt that Chuck would not just take off, at least without sending some kind of clue or hint that it was his choice.

"No, that's what he went into the hospital for. He would have known that I wouldn't stop trying to see him, but he chose to go there so I would feel at peace that he was being cared for."

"That still doesn't mean the government took him."

"It doesn't mean they didn't. It doesn't matter anyways because Chuck is gone either way and I'm going to make sure they feel my wrath.

Devon sighed as he pulled into the parking lot of their apartment and parked the car, but Ellie didn't want to hear any more of what he had to say. As soon as the car stopped she unbuckled her belt and dashed out the door. All she wanted at that moment was to get a phone call from the hospital that Chuck was safe and sound and it was a misunderstanding. But she knew that wasn't going to happen so she'd settle for the next best thing, cuddling her daughter and telling her how much she loved her.

***(((***(((***

For what was probably the first time in her career, General Beckman felt ill by what she saw, by what was happening. She fought the bile back down her throat and resisted the urge to throw up as she watched the activity in the room beyond, hiding behind a two way mirror.

Chuck Bartowski, a.k.a Special Agent Charles Carmichael stood perfectly still in front of three of the CIA's top trainers. They had brought him there to the secret facility outside of San Francisco three days ago, taking him easily from the hospital he had hid himself away in. Though she had been getting daily reports from the doctor they planted inside the facility to care for him, seeing it in person was even worse than she imagined.

She had seen him for the first time in months just the night before and she had protested giving him the Laudanol right away. The man was pale and dangerously thin, he was fading away and there was no way he was healthy enough to start taking the drug. They didn't even know how it would work on a healthy person let alone someone who was in obvious poor health.

But once again she was vetoed, the government wanted their super solider and so they strapped him to the hospital bed and injected the drug straight into his veins.

The effect was instantaneous.

Immediately Chuck's eyes flew open and he stared up above at the plain white ceiling unblinkingly despite the harsh lights above. He didn't struggle, he didn't speak, he did nothing but lie there until the hospital personnel deemed it safe to release him from his bonds.

He continued to lie there even after released, unmoving. The doctor who had administered the drug leaned over him, and begun asking him questions. There was no reaction from the man on the bed. No blinking, no movement. Beckman wondered idly as they waited if he was even breathing still or if they had finally killed him.

Then after what felt like hours he finally sat up, staring zombie like ahead as he swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood up, shakily at first, but then his eyes rolled up in his head and moved quickly in what Beckman knew was a flash. It lasted only a second until he came back out of it and suddenly he was stable. He was standing still unmoving once again.

He looked like an animated corpse.

Now they stood on the opposite side of the two way mirror with Chuck facing them as he faced the three trainers. His eyes now closed, arms hanging down clasping one hand over the other as he stood straight with his head held high.

The tension was thick on both sides of the mirror as they all waited for the signal that would start the test. Beckman secretly hoped that Chuck would fail. That the Intersect would somehow malfunction and this whole project would be deemed a failure and be wiped out of existence, even if that meant Chuck as well. At least in death he wouldn't be used as a tool.

Suddenly a small soft sound was made and the stillness that was the other room came to life as the instructors all attacked Chuck at the same time. Shouts were heard as weapons were pulled and chaos ensued.

In less than a blink Chuck moved into action, blocking one attack on his right before swinging his long left leg to kick another assailant. In a blur of movement he head butted the third and flipped the first over his shoulder, bringing his arm back up quickly to hit the second. It was fast and messy if the blood that splattered on the window was any indication.

"That's enough." One of the chiefs said, and the command was given into the other room. Beckman expected all activity to stop but it didn't and to her horror she watched as was possibly the kindest human being on the planet snapped the neck of one of the trainers before savagely throwing his body aside, grabbing the stick the other was using as a weapon and plunged it deep into the other man's chest, blood sprouting everywhere as the man screamed out in pain before dying.

"I said that's enough." The chief commanded angrily as they watched the scene before them.

The last man in the room, seeing what happened to his fellow trainers stopped his assault and quickly ran to the door of the room, trying to open it, but unable to as the doors were ordered locked in order to contain Chuck, not knowing what he would do.

"Please, stop." The agent begged, pressing himself to the wall as Chuck advanced towards him. When there was no indication that he was going to the last trainer turned defensive to offensive, quickly running at him, ready to kill. However the Intersect was faster as it calculated the man's move and quickly countered, dodging to the slide and slamming his back in the perfect spot to paralyze them as they fell.

Once he was down Chuck walked over calmly to him and knelt on the floor, turning him over. The man unable to move any longer just stared at Chuck with wide fearful eyes, Chuck kneeled over him, eyes narrowed as he cocked his head to the side scrutinizing the trainer.

"Please." The man begged once more. And with one final twerk, the man's neck was broken and fell dead on the floor.

***(((***(((***

They labeled him as dangerous and sent him on his first mission a week later much to Beckman's disgust. They pumped him full of Laudanol and several times a day ensuring that he would need and come back or suffer the painful withdraw from it and in the testing of mice and other primates had resulted with death. It was cruel and inhumane but Beckman said nothing, something she would regret, that she already did.

They gave him enough of the drug to get him through his tasks, and in between gave him slightly more to keep him addicted. After a month Chuck Bartowski had already racked up a body count to almost counter John Casey's personal record.

It scared her.

This had gone on for several months. Chuck went on more and more missions and the high chiefs of the government were all pleased with themselves, ignoring the fact that the man they were using as a weapon was literally falling apart. There was barely anything left of him and everyone involved in the project knew that it was only a matter of time until his body failed him and the Intersect would be gone. So they used him as they could trying to get as much out of him as possible.

Until the frightening day when their worst nightmare had come true, and Chuck hadn't come back. At first they thought he was killed, attempting to get verification was next to impossible due to the location he was sent.

But that theory got shot to hell one day a video surveillance came through her office.

***(((***(((***

His breath came out ragged as hunched over the table in front of him, putting together the final ingredients to make what his body desperately craved now. With its creation at his own hands he effectively will free himself from the government clutches, but if the chemistry is off even in the slightest, it could be the end of him.

Chuck accepted this. It was a risk he had to take. He'd been a slave to the government, a mere asset easily disposed of for far too long. They had literally taken everything away from him and the only thing he had left to lose was his own life, and at this point he was willing to give it up in order to finally be able to rest.

The Intersect had different ideas however. The thoughts and the willpower to take his own life and end his suffering had been there since they first stole him away from the hospital Ellie had chosen for him and pumped him full of drugs. He had felt at peace with it then, as Ellie would wonder and worry but eventually she would accept it and leave it be, live her life.

As they wheeled him through that secret facility, Chuck had laid there and stared at the ceiling, planning on how he could do it. He was smart and resourceful and his years of being forced into the CIA had taught him a trick or two.

He never even got a chance to consider executing a plan.

Almost the moment they stopped moving him, Chuck felt a prick in his arm and a cold feeling move through his veins and then a moment later he felt nothing. Just numbness through his body and mind. All the pain, all the sorrow, all his worries left him and he knew he should be scared but he just couldn't feel fear.

It didn't take long to figure out their plans. To get him addicted to the Laudanol to keep him coming back to them or stay out in the field and die. He personally chose the latter but the Intersect seemed to work somewhat on its own, pushing him to complete his task, making connections to other crime and espionage and in his weakened state he was at its mercy, unable to resist doing one more mission.

It took over a month for the Intersect to determine the chemical composition that made up the Laudanol. Chuck wasn't even sure how it did it, but soon his mind was being filled with instructions and ingredients and finally after one horrible mission that led to the death of twenty people and Chuck extracted data from a rogue spy, he decided it was time and he took off far away from his handlers.

It wasn't hard with the Intersect. It directed him where to go, what to watch out for. It was almost as if it was a mind of its own but he knew different. Chuck knew it was just his own analytical mind and human instincts that caused it to work, to create, to push.

He had found an abandoned building just inside the city of New York. There under the light of a single bulb he began the arduous task of combining, cooking, creating the drug that was quickly exiting his system, causing his hands to shake and shudder.

Finally he was done, after what felt like days and with one last glance at the pill between his fingers, Chuck closed his eyes tightly and swallowed the pill.

He waited with bated breath, all his senses on overdrive as he waited for something to happen. For his heart to stop, for his brain to slow down and become foggy. To lose muscle strength and collapse onto the floor in a heap of useless flesh.

His mind brought forth a memory of Sarah. Of her smile, or her laugh. The way she kissed him in the morning to how she practically glided around the apartment picking up random junk and putting them in their place. He wanted his heart to beat faster and feeling of love to overwhelm him like it always did whenever he had thought of Sarah in the past before he lost her.

He just felt nothing.

He opened his eyes at that, staring ahead into the darkness as he took a moment to assess his body, his reflexes. The pain had lessened but was still there, that was to be expected. The pill he had created worked and a smirk crossed his face at the realization that he was free. Finally free from the clutches of those who would use the Intersect for their own whim until he was utterly destroyed.

For the first time in almost half a year, Chuck felt control of his own life again. He could do anything he wanted, go anywhere in the world. He had the power, the knowledge and the control. But there was just one problem.

He was still dying.

He was free of the government and the Laudanol took away all his emotional pain, but even if he were a healthy individual the drug would still wear on his system. It would still crave it, need it. His body will punish him severely if he refused it the drug. Detox would be an option except there was no guarantee he'd survive. Even the Intersect couldn't present any statistical probability with any real accuracy. Chuck knew the dose he's been given over the last month and what he'd need to continue to take to maintain any sort of lucid behavior was ridiculously high and had to be maintained.

There weren't many options for him now. And if he could feel he knew he'd be scared, anxious, and sad that this is what his life came to. Instead Chuck decided to make the most of his time. He may not be under the control of the government anymore, but there were still plenty of people who need to be stopped to help make the world a better place. And he wanted that for his sister and his friends, but most of all for his little niece who was innocent.

With the decision made Chuck stood up in front of the table as the familiar feeling of a flash overtook him. It showed him a warehouse, and a drug dealer, the biggest supplier of illegal narcotics in North America.

And it looked like he was having a party next week.

A/N: Well, there you go. Think it added to the story or just unnecessary? I have a short dilemma, aside from my barely read vampire fanfic, I totally while on vaca and napping on the beach came up with a NEW chuck story idea! So, I guess what I'm asking is, do you want this one revamped/finished first or have me start work on the new story?

Either way neither will get started until i get a new damn keyboard!

 **Mufc87:** I am aiming for some more fluff, though its hard one they are separated and both are really not entirely in their right minds.

 **zanex9:** Is it wrong that I find him adorable when he's broken? Chuck is such a perfect character for it.

 **phathead01:** I had a fabulous holiday. And you're not really missing much on not watching the vampire diaries...except Ian Somerhalder. My goodness that man is unnaturally good looking.

 **phnxgrl:** Thanks for reviewing!

 **Nomadic Nerd:** I feel they didn't use Clara enough in the show. You barely if ever saw any interaction between the two and considering how important family is to Chuck it really was a loss for the show to exclude it.

 **sevenrez:** Thanks. Its been proven no matter how strong and smart you are, eventually you crack. I've been waiting for years for Harry Potter to crack for years.


	4. Chapter 4

Ahh, another chapter. reformatted, rewritten, restructured. Thank you Charahkids for betaing! Personal thanks at the bottom as always.

Chapter 4 (originally chapter 3) 4210 words  
New Chapter 4 (originally 3) 5768 words

6 months later

Sarah Walker, spy extraordinaire jumped from the roof of the building following the target and duck rolled back to her feet on the lower lever roof of the next building. She quickly followed him, using a bar nearby to swing her forward to kick him in the back to knock him down. He fell flat on his face and quickly rolled to his back to reach for his gun, but it was too late. Sarah stood over him, gun drawn, poised to shoot.

"One move and I kill you." She spat ruthlessly. By then other agents involved from the op they were on flooded the roof pointing their own guns at the target. Sarah relaxed and stepped back slightly, allowing a fellow agent take charge of the now captured terrorist. She took that moment to catch her breath and wipe the sweat from her brow as she kept watch over their current suspect.

"You may have stopped me Agent Walker, but there are more out there just waiting for their chance. You cannot stop us!" The man shouted at her as the agents struggled with him towards the roofs exit.

"That isn't cliché at all." She grumbled to herself, not bothering to respond to the threat. It wasn't anything new.

Though the world and technology had changed in the five years she had lost, the world of criminal activity had mostly stayed the same. With that came their typical comebacks when being apprehended. It used to invigorate her, make her stronger, more determined at hearing those words. It would make her determined to weave herself further into the case and seek out all those involved.

Now it just made her tired and wary.

"Nice job Agent Walker." SAC Andrews stated walking up to her. She gave him a look and a slight nod of her head before turning and walking away. Andrews followed her, stepping up to walk beside her as she headed for the stairs.

"Can I help you Agent Andrews." She asked, trying to keep her voice neutral. Since she recertified at the farm a few weeks ago she had decided to keep everything professional for now on. Seeing how personal entanglements have not worked out in the past for her. Agent Andrews just smiled slightly at her blunt politeness and Sarah resisted rolling her eyes.

"Just curious on what an Agent with your skills is doing chasing down a simple little 2 man terrorist group in Virginia. I've read your file, you are, or were, the CIA's top Agent." He stated. Sarah didn't even glance at him as she went down the staircase quickly, disgruntled at the moment that he apparently was following her and there were 18 flights to go. She quickened her steps, taking two or three at a time in order to get down faster.

"I would think they would have you off in far off places, doing much more important things." He continued, oblivious to her indifference to the conversation as a whole. She continued down the stairwell to the bottom and exited out the side door, banging it against the wall as she burst through it and heading to her car.

"Agent Walker!" He shouts after her. She stops in her steps and turns around with an annoyed look.

"What is it Agent Andrews." She said icily. He just smiled at her and waived.

"It was nice working with you." He stated simply. She nodded once and continued on her car.

She had spent the next hour driving around Virginia with no real destination to calm herself down. She had loved the feel of the high after capturing the target. It would make her energized for days afterwards. Now it just wound her up, made her tired.

Something was wrong and she knew it, but she refused to acknowledge it. After leaving Burbank she had come back to Washington to recertify at the CIA farm. Her body felt weird to her, a sign she was out of the spy game for a while and she hated it. She hated the feeling, she hated the way she felt, the way her body felt so foreign to her. It made her feel like her body was snatched by some alien entity and was used for their own purpose until she gained control again.

Sarah narrowed her brow at that thought, her car slowing down as she searched her mind for where it came from. She knew nothing about aliens or what they could do. Her entire life has always been grounded in the here and now.

'Chuck' Her mind supplied a moment later and a vision of the two of them, lounging on the sofa, his head laying on her lap as they watched television tossing popcorn at each other trying to catch it in their mouths. A soft gasp escaped her as a small smile crossed her face at it. She felt her body shake a tiny bit as a chuckle came out at the memory.

More and more memories came flashing back to her every day. She was ordered, as part of the agreement of her return to the CIA to see a psychiatrist, and to make actual progress, not just waste their time. She had hesitated at first, never being one to share what she was feeling or thinking but after the first few sessions had helped her sort what she felt about the memories and feelings that would sometimes overwhelm her at times now, she took it seriously then.

Sarah was startled out of her own thoughts by the sound of her phone ringing. Her heart beat rapidly and she berated herself for not being more observant. She pulled off to the side of the road and grabbed her phone, noting the encrypted number before finally answering.

"Walker." She stated briskly.

"Agent Walker, I hear we captured the target before he was able to pass on his package." Deputy Director Mika Carlos stated on the line.

"Yes sir. He is being transported to the holding facility right now by Agent Andrews." She replied.

"Good. Have your report on my desk by Wednesday. In the meantime, you are to report to General Diane Beckman tomorrow morning at 8:30 am. She has requested your presence in a joint NSA/CIA taskforce."

Sarah was silent for a moment. Not quite sure what to say. She knew General Beckman was head of the Intersect project, which handled Chuck, her supposed husband. He had downloaded the Intersect into his head before she had left.

"Agent Walker, did you hear me?" The Deputy Director asked. Sarah took a deep breath to steady her nerves.

"Yes sir. May I inquire what it is that they need me for?" She inquired, holding her breath waiting for the answer.

"You will have to wait and see tomorrow Agent Walker." He said. And with that final response he disconnected the call.

Sarah held the phone to her ear a few beats longer before finally pulling it away from her ear and tossing it on her seat. Her mind darted from one scenario to another as she tried to figure out what it was that General Beckman wanted with her. It all came down to one answer; Chuck.

A car horn blared loudly as they passed by her bringing her away from her thoughts. She looked around the dark road that she had pulled over and shook her head before turning her blinker on, deciding she would put off thinking about it until she was at least back home.

Ten minutes later Sarah pulled into her parking spot of her apartment complex. Quacking cutting the engine and then just sat there breathing deeply trying to calm herself down. She wasn't quite sure if she was ready to deal with anything having to do with her life from Burbank just yet.

Opening the car door, Sarah stood on steady legs and headed into her apartment, tossing her keys into a bowl by the door and pulled her jacket off, tossing it onto the couch. She covered her face for a moment with both hands and just breathed, letting her mind finally take in what she had to do tomorrow. She sincerely hoped it had nothing to do with Chuck or the Intersect.

Her hands dropped, allowing her to see into her dark apartment. It wasn't really a home, she knew that. She didn't feel like home when she was in it which is why she did just about everything she could to stay away. She would leave early in the morning and only come home when she was practically falling asleep. It was bare and empty as if it were a show room. There were no personal effects, no decorative items, nothing at all. It was the complete opposite of what her apartment was in Burbank.

A warm feeling overcame her as she thought of that. As she remembered the apartment she had shared with Chuck. It was warm and bright and personal. Every corner looked lived in and showcased a story of happy people who shared their lives. If she would be honest with herself she'd admit that she missed that environment and craved its comfort even if she didn't remember any of it. But she couldn't, she wouldn't know what to do or how to handle it if she did.

"No point fretting right now." She muttered to herself, letting herself drop heavily on the couch and leaned her head back. Sarah closed her eyes and focused on her breathing. Tomorrow would come soon enough.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

From the way she was ushered quickly into General Beckman's office the next morning when she arrived alerted Sarah that whatever this task force is that she's being requested on could be big. If she should be secretly excited or not, is the question of the year.

She walked into the office briskly, walking up to the front of the large desk where the General was currently reading a report. The smaller superior didn't acknowledge her presence right away but Sarah stood tall with her hands clasped tightly behind her back waiting patiently.

"Have a seat, Agent Walker." Beckman finally stated without looking up. Sarah sat down in the chair across from the desk that seemed to swallow the little general up, crossing her leg over her knee and stared ahead waiting for General Beckman to begin. The room was engulfed in silence again for a few long moments; the only sound to be heard was from a steady ticking sound in the back of the office behind her and the shuffling of the General turning the pages on what she was reading.

She fought the urge to ask the General what this was about, but knew that would not be well received. Higher ups frequently used the silent busy tactic to unnerve those below them to signify who is in charge of the meeting. She was about to give in to impulse however when Beckman finally spoke.

"We are just waiting for Col. Casey to arrive. I've been informed he should be here momentarily." She stated, still not looking at Sarah. They waited a few more moments in silence before the door was opened and Col. John Casey entered the room.

Sarah stood up from her seat, not quite sure what to say or how to greet him. From all accounts they had been partners and friends for five years, going through ups, downs, and all in-betweens that no other pair of agents have ever done. They had been one of the most successful team in the history of either the CIA or NSA.

She couldn't remember any of it. Nothing substantial in any case. Only flimsy glimpses of her life that was stolen from her.

Her eyes widened however when behind him entered none other than Morgan Grimes and Mary Bartowski. She looked from each one of them and back to General Beckman in confusion, knowing without a doubt now that this somehow involved Chuck and her stomach dropped a few feet in fear and anticipation of seeing him after walking away from him almost 8 months ago.

Sarah waited with bated breath for the moment that the tall slender man would enter the room, each second she didn't see him felt like torture as she braced herself. But after a few moments the door was closed quietly by the secretary outside, a slight click and buzzing sounding indicating the room was secure.

"I'm glad you're all here. Please take a seat." Beckman said gesturing towards the conference table on the opposite side of her large office. They all glanced at each other and took seats around the head of the table where Beckman continued standing, being sure to make eye contact with each of them before she handed each of them a file with the NSA seal on it and a large stamp in red saying "CLASSIFIED". On top of the file was a thick stack of papers which Sarah leafed through skimming.

"Is this a gag order Diane?" Mary Bartowski asked flipping through it as well.

"Yes it is. You are all sworn to secrecy already from your affiliation with being government employees but this is classified at the highest level." She looked at the 4 sitting before her, making sure to make eye contact with each of them, drilling in the importance of this mission into each of them, spending a little more time glaring at Morgan until he squirmed and tried ducking behind Casey, who just growled in annoyance at him.

"I don't understand General, what is the mission." Sarah asked confused. She's never had to sign extra confidentiality agreements before. Being one of the top agents in the CIA has given her the highest possible clearance level available already.

"You could probably walk right up to Area 51 and demand to see the aliens there." Chuck's voice echoed in her ear as a vision of the two of them in a Chinese restaurant flashed before her. She had grinned wide, giving a genuine laugh at his comment.

"Or we could just ask Casey, I'm pretty sure he would have been the one to take them down." She had replied.

Sarah blinked a few times clearing her vision, stealing a glance around the room at the other occupants to see if anyone had noticed. She sighed in relief as they read their own forms.

Beckman just pointed at the forms in front of her and sat down waiting. The next few minutes was filled with silence as they read through what they were signing, except for Morgan who didn't understand any of it anyways and waited to see if Casey would sign it before signing it himself, probably figuring it would be ok at that point.

They passed the signed forms up to the tiny General who glanced through each stack making sure everything was dotted and crossed. Seemingly satisfied with them, she stacked them neatly and placed them in a large envelope that was sitting next to her before sitting forward against the desk, placing her hands together ready to begin.

"The reason you four are here is because the Joint Chiefs believe you are the best candidates to handle this task." She motioned for them to open the files in front of them. Sarah sat forward and flipped it open, eyes widening at the sight of Chuck's photo sitting in front of her.

"What the hell is this Diane?" Mary burst out after opening her own file. She glared up at the General who met her look just as hard. Sarah stared back and forth between the two women for a moment before looking across the table to Casey. His reaction was as stoic as ever, and a bit of anger built in the pit of her stomach that he might have already known what was going on.

"This is the mission Mary." Beckman stated simply. She cleared her throat before continuing. "As you can see from the report in front of you, the objective is to apprehend Agent Bartowski."

"Why? What has he done?" Sarah asked baffled. The few memories and feelings she had gotten back from her time with Chuck had all been warm and comforting. The man she was married to seemed kind and gentle and far too timid or loyal to do anything that would garner this attention.

"Agent Walker." General Beckman started then paused. The older woman seemed to be trying to gather her wits giving Sarah the feeling that she herself wasn't pleased with the situation at hand. Sarah stared at her expectantly.

"Chuck is gone Sarah, he just vanished, and it's the governments fault." Morgan burst out fidgeting in agitation.

"Grimes!" Casey growled at him at once, trying his best to not disrespect General Beckman and strangle the life out of his daughter's boyfriend at the same time.

"What? It's true!" he shouted back standing up. "Sarah destroyed Chuck and the government took advantage of it."

"Sit down Grimes, or I'll sit you down." Casey growled angrily at the man standing next to him. Morgan gave another little huff before plopping down in the chair, allowing it to spin away from his friend as he pouted.

General Beckman looked sternly at Morgan before casting her eyes at Mary indicating that she should help calm him down. But Sarah could tell from Mary's expression, Beckman would not have an ally there. Mary Bartowski was pissed, and she showed it. She obviously agreed with Morgan that the government was to blame for what happened to her son, and Beckman must have known that she would not help make this any easier.

It was Sarah who stepped in, looking from each of them before finally settling on the small but powerful General, knowing she'd get the most answers out of her. Ignoring Morgan's outburst and his clear indication that whatever state Chuck was in was her fault, Sarah stared at Beckman expectantly for a few moments while General Beckman collected herself.

"As you are aware Agent Walker, Agent Bartowski had uploaded the Intersect again into his head. Out of any and all people who have uploaded the Intersect he has proved to be the only one who was capable of handling it with any form of efficiency and without too many negative effects. The Joint Chiefs were eager to put him back to use in the field." She paused for a moment letting Sarah absorb the information she'd been given so far.

"He shouldn't have been in the field. You had fired him from the CIA, he wasn't an agent any longer." Mary stated angrily beside Sarah.

"He had confidential government information." Beckman argued. "Regardless of his status as an agent, Chuck Bartowski has been an asset to the US government since he first downloaded the Intersect. He was in it for life whether he was an active agent or not."

"He's a human being Diane, not a piece of property!" Mary shouted slamming her hand hard onto the desk. Silence descended after that as the two women glared at each other, but soon enough Beckman gained control of the meeting once again.

"Be that as it may there was a problem. The Intersect is greatly tied to his emotions." Sarah looked down at that, knowing what was coming. She knew she had hurt Chuck by walking away. She knew he loved her, but at the time she couldn't return the feelings he felt for her. She knew he had been distressed as she walked away from him and their life, hearing him shout after her, pleading with her as she quickly got into her car and drove away from him, never returning.

"So the Intersect didn't work" She said softly, schooling her face to show no expression. But to her surprise Mary reached over and placed her hand upon Sarah's that was resting on the table and gave it a small squeeze. She looked over at the older spy and saw a small encouraging smile on her face. Sarah wasn't quite sure what to make of the gesture, sure that if anyone would hate her it would be the mother of the man she had hurt, but Sarah returned it with a small corner smile of her own.

"Correct Agent Walker. In fact…we were quite close to losing the Intersect all together." She said quietly.

"What? How?" Sarah asked stunned.

"Because when you left it destroyed him." Morgan said quietly, for once not getting growled at by Casey. Sarah glanced at Casey, taking in his still stoic expression as he watched her closely, feeling chills run down her spine. He was not one to be messed with she knew.

"Once you left, Agent Bartowski fell into a severe depression that caused his sister to put him in a psychiatric hospital. It was at his own request and Dr. Woodcomb had fought him on it but it was what Chuck wanted. He did not fare any better there, much to our dismay. It seemed Agent Bartowski had given up." General Beckman explained.

"Then why are we here discussing apprehending him? Isn't he still there if he's this bad off?" Sarah asked still confused.

"That's where the governments fault comes in." Mary finally pops in. "Diane, would you like to explain what you people have done to my son?" She pushed heatedly. Sarah looked back to Beckman who almost looked remorseful.

"The Joint Chiefs wanted the Intersect in the field no matter what. So they ordered that he be given Laudanol." She said slowly, closing her eyes for a moment. It was obvious that she had been against that course of action but regardless, she had gone along with it.

"Forgive me, but, what is Laudanol?" Sarah asked going through the list of drugs in her mind trying to think of it.

"It's a drug that was developed for soldiers to eliminate fear and help them work better in the field. It makes them fearless, stronger, and even reduces pain. In other words the perfect way to make a super solider, just by giving them a pill." Casey explained.

Sarah was horrified at the description, knowing already where this was heading.

"It wasn't tested on humans yet, the only prototype they had had been taken by Chuck during a mission a few years ago. The results were positive in that he was able to overcome his fear and take down the enemy but…"

"He almost killed one of them by strangling them." Sarah finished quietly for Casey. Mary immediately sat up and turned towards her.

"You remember that?" She asked her hopefully. Sarah stared at the desk a few beats more before meeting Mary's eyes.

"He had stopped. When I said his name. He was so horrified by what he'd almost done. The fear in his eyes, it frightened me." She said.

"Correct Agent Walker. We were lucky you were able to stop him that time, but it was decided after that that the Laudanol was just too dangerous at the time to test further, so it was back shelved. "Beckman finished her explanation.

"But that was until their precious Intersect was broken and they decided it was time to do more tests, using Chuck as the guinea pig." Mary spat. Sarah blanched at that, horrified. Her mind replaying the few moments in which she had almost witnessed the person everyone would agree with was the sweetest, gentlest person alive, killing somebody with his bare hands. That the government she worked for, while she knew they did horrible things, would still use a drug like that on not only Chuck, but on someone who was clearly not stable mentally and emotionally baffled and troubled her like never before.

"They transferred a few CIA doctors and nurses into the facility where Agent Bartowski was and had tried to help him before it came to what they did. Nothing worked so we took drastic action."

"Drastic as in you kidnapped my son and forced a drug into him." Mary said derisively. "I don't think 'drastic' is quite the term I would use."

"I'm well aware of what other words you would chose Mary. Regardless the effect was immediate and they were happy with the results."

"You took him out without telling anyone?" Sarah asked aghast. Through her memory recovery she did remember how close Chuck and Ellie were. She remembered that his parents had abandoned them both at a very young age and his sister had for the most part raised him. Sarah couldn't even begin to imagine what Ellie must have gone through once finding out her brother was missing.

"It was classified Agent Walker. Ellie Woodcomb had power of attorney over everything involving Chuck Bartowski. The superiors knew that even if we had read her in she would never have agreed to give Agent Bartowski the Laudanol and they wanted the Intersect.

That stopped Sarah for a moment. She knew that with walking away from Chuck and going back to the CIA she had no claim on him. But for some reason it bothered her that someone else, in Chuck's time of need, had that position. Even though it was Ellie, and she was glad for that, knowing already that nobody would have Chucks best interest more than Ellie Woodcomb.

"How did you three find out then if it was classified?" Sarah asked. Casey took lead on this one.

"When I got a call from Alex a couple days after it had happened I figured it out. Verbanski and I did a little digging with Mary and found out about the Laudanol." He stated simply, always to the point.

"And you didn't tell Ellie?" She asked. Casey shook his head.

"We didn't feel she should know. She was under a lot of stress. On top of having to deal with Chuck and his assets, she had Clara and Devon, the hospital, the Buy More. She was swamped." Mary consoled. "But rest assured that Ellie most likely knows who took her brother." With that Mary glared at her friend again.

"So you let her think that someone kidnapped Chuck?" Sarah was shocked at this.

"We had a choice Walker. Either was a bad choice so we went with the best option. We could tell her that the government was kidnapping her brother to force a drug down his throat that would turn him into a drone super solider and watch as chaos insures from her trying to get him back. Or we don't tell her anything and allow the investigation into the facility and disappearance go through. The police won't find anything." Casey stated.

"So from the beginning you were helping the government cover it up?" She said angrily.

"No Sarah. But we knew who had him and knew the best chance to get him back was to at least act like we were cooperating." Mary said trying to sooth her while at the same time quail her excitement that perhaps Sarah was remembering her feelings for Chuck. Beckman cleared her throat.

"It was a good call. The CIA is handling this investigation in the guise of LAPD so we are controlling it, as well as the lawsuit against the hospital. But that is not why we are here. We knew on the Laudanol Agent Bartowski would be dangerous and they figured they could control him buy limiting his access to the Laudanol." Beckman explained further.

"Hmm, so he'll be loyal as long as he'll need it." Casey grunted out.

"That was the point Col. However, what we under estimated was Agent Bartowski himself. Between his natural intelligence and the Intersect he was able to synthesize his own. We lost control of him, and he took off during a mission." Beckman said.

Sarah couldn't help the smile that crossed her face when hearing that Chuck had bested the government. However her smile was short lived when looking at the gloom hanging over the others at this news.

"What happened then, where is he?" She asked. Morgan shrugged.

"That's all we were able to get figure out after that. Perhaps Diane has more information." Mary prompted. General Beckman nodded in acknowledgement.

"This is what happened." She said simply, turning around to the TV behind her. She clicked the play button on the remote next to her on the table and the screen came to life. What played was the most horrifying scene they could imagine.

The view was a security feed in a large room. Inside were around 50 people milling around, talking, and drinking. It was some kind of gathering, a party it looked like from the way they were dressed. They all could recognize several people on the screen as terrorist, drug dealers, arms dealers. Just a bunch of bad guys and their dates. Sarah couldn't help the loss feeling of them not being able to take advantage of such a party in order to finally apprehend those in attendance. Some of the most powerful people were on that screen.

A few minutes into the video however everyone on screen cowered suddenly and dropped to the ground as gunfire was seen being shot off camera, the doors closing in the scene of their own accord trapping all the party guests in the room. No sound was heard, most likely a security feature to prevent whatever deals were taking place, but just from the expressions of the people there, Sarah could tell they were frightened. And what frightens powerful people is the stuff of nightmares.

They watched the screen for several moments as the massacre took place. Then to the horror of everyone in Beckman's office, a tall, thin, lanky figure stepped into the shot. She heard sounds of gasps and surprise from the other three around her as she watched in horror as the man she was slowly remembering, remembering as a kind, gentle soul, slaughtered everyone in the room in sometimes brutal ways.

Once his guns appeared to run out of ammo Chuck stepped into action, fighting off those who felt brave enough to attack him with every bit of his body. He kicked, spun, chopped, and grabbed. He was the perfect example of Kung-Fu and offensive fighting there was. But they were too horrified by the scene of Chuck killing so many people to be impressed by his perfect technique.

Whether one by one or as a group, while they attacked, Chuck ended their lives. He broke their necks, arms, ribs, legs, everything. At one point someone brought out a set of knifes and the blood bath began. Chuck quickly gained control of them, plunging one deep into the throat of its owner and pushing him back, swinging his arm back to catch the guy behind him.

Finally nobody was left to attack. The remaining survivors were the dates that had brought to the party who were banging on the doors in the back to get out. Sarah took a deep breath, thinking it was over but then he stooped down to the nearest body and picked up whatever gun was there and advanced towards the not so innocent victims. Chuck then proceeded to shoot each one.

Chuck stood there for a moment, assessing the chaos he had caused. Nobody in the room breathed as he turned around slowly and look directly into the camera. Blood covered him from head to toe, but what was most disturbing to all was the look nothing on his face. He showed no emotion. No anger, regret, sadness, horror, nothing. He raised the gun he was still holding, pointed it directly at the security camera that was recording him and shot it.

Nobody said anything, or even breathed as the screen went fuzzy and then off. It was quiet in the room for what felt like hours as General Beckman turned the TV off and turned back around to face them.

"What…what have you done to Chuck?" Morgan stuttered out. Beckman just shook her head and sat back.

"There have been at least another 4 instances similar to this. Regardless that he is going after enemies of the US, the fact that he is willing to kill anyone in his way has made him a liability and we've been ordered to bring him in. However, any agent that has gotten remotely close to being able to do so has been killed as well. His estimated total killed is around 500 now. He needs to be taken out." She said.

"Taken out? You're going to terminate him? You did this to him!" Mary shouted standing. Beckman raised her hand in defeat, and motioned for her to take her seat again. Once she was Beckman spoke up.

"Which is exactly the point I brought up during the meeting on what to do about this situation. There is a termination order on Chuck Bartowski." She said, the other three started protesting but she raised her hand to silence them. "But I was able to talk them into allowing a chance to apprehend him. If you four are able to get to Chuck first, and bring him in, they will rescind the termination order."

"And then what? You put him jail? You terminate him in custody? What is your grand plan for him once he's caught?" Mary spat.

"It was agreed upon to attempt detox from the Laudanol, and depending on the results, they will ascertain what to do at that time-"

"What do you mean by 'depending on the results' " Morgan inquired raising a hand and finger in the air. The other three looked at General Beckman expectedly.

"Since there has been no human test subjects the withdrawal effects are currently unknown. But the projected results of it are thought to be devastating. The Laudanol suppresses all emotions. It is thought that with the withdrawal from the drug it could cause instability in the person and pain beyond anything." She let her words sink in.

The room was quiet for the next few minutes while everyone processed what they had learned. Sarah wasn't exactly sure what to feel, and considering the situation, thought it was kind of ironic. She wasn't sure what to do. She was remembering him sure, but she's being included on this team like she's his best friend. Which considering they are married would make her so? But still, this would be heading straight into her past, the five years missing. Was she ready for this?

"When do we start?" Sarah asked, taking a deep breath.

A/N: So, the delay is due to vacation in july, stress from being displaced during my works renovation and I've been given A LOT more duties to my job recently. but I'm still truckin along. I'm thinking Chapter 5 might be another new chapter. There's a big gap that could be filled.

 **phathead01:** LOL, well my moving to my new desk gave me a better keyboard so YAY more writing! I may start the new one, just to start writing even if its not published yet. I still gotta finish that pesky vampire story. #regrets

 **sevenrez:** HAhA I love dark and twisty...er...obviously since I keep writing it. heh.

 **phnxgrl:** thank you for reviewing!

 **charahkids:** Sadly I may have to do that

 **Mufc87:** I'm glad. I noticed there were a few missing points in the original story. I aim to fill some of those up.

 **zanex9:** With as much time that has passed since I first wrote it, imagine all the damage I can do to poor lil Chuck.

 **Sir Chucky:** Welcome to the Chuck world! I'm into many fandoms and I've found the Chuck one to be the most warm and inviting so you picked a good one!

 **Nomadic Nerd:** I really like Beckman as a character. I always strive to make her human but still the military official that she is. You don't become General for going against the company. While she's more than willing to turn her back on a few indiscretions, I have no doubt in my mind that she is first and foremost a military officer.

 **Lonny J:** i thought i missed some. The first original chapter was just a complete and utter mess. I'm not surprised I missed some stuff. Perhaps at another point I'll re-read it as a learning tool to better my editing skills.


	5. Chapter 5

Finally! New chapter. I'm working on the rewrite of the next chapter now. This is a BRAND NEW CHAPTER! just freshly written. thank you to Charahkids for reading through and fixing the errors! Personal thanks at the bottom.

Ch 5 Original: N/A  
Ch 5 New: 3797 - brand new chapter.

Chapter 5

They left for the airport immediately after dismissed by General Beckman, much to Morgan's dismay. Though the situation was serious he had never been to Washington DC and had hoped to at least be able to wave at the White House as they passed by, or perhaps get something to eat. His stomach rumbled as he sat in his seat on the same private jet they had come out on that Beckman had arranged.

Much to his displeasure, the jet did not come with a meal. Not even free peanuts.

But he decided to keep his complaints down to a minimum, which if he was honest was awfully big of him. The situation was serious and so much was up in the air. Morgan tried not to focus on the fact that the whole mission could and most likely end in the death of his best friend and hetero life partner. The thought was too much for him and so he pushed them away.

Instead he focused all his attention on Sarah who sat in the chair to his right. He wasn't happy that she was brought in on this, didn't feel that she had any right. But he knew regardless she was a good agent and between her and Casey, Chuck would most likely be found.

It didn't stop the anger he felt towards the woman though.

He hated Sarah, which, considering the person he was, meant something to those who knew him. The second he saw her he had fallen head over heels in love with her too, but not because of her, but because of his best friend. He saw the moment Chuck's eyes lit up as he dropped the phone he was talking on to turn all his attention to the blonde hottie that stood in front of him. It was a look Morgan hadn't seen on Chuck since just before Jill smashed his heart into a million pieces.

Through all the up and downs of Chuck and Sarah's relationship, Morgan had always stayed steadfast that the two of them were meant to be and Sarah was Chuck's soulmate. Her leaving felt like a betrayal of his admiration. He felt like she had just spit on all his faith and ran off like those bullies in school used to. He knew he was being juvenile, but he couldn't help what he felt.

He eyed her across the aisle, watching her every tick, filing away every tap of her finger and twitch of her ankle. She would spend her time torn between reading the file that was on her lap and staring out the window at the blackness outside. He wanted to say something to her, but he wasn't sure he'd be able to without saying something horrible. Something Morgan was sure she deserved but knew that Chuck would disapprove of.

That was how much Chuck's friendship meant to him. That even though his friend wasn't there, he still seemed to influence Morgan's behavior the way he always had. Chuck has always been such a nice guy, no matter who it was that Morgan always strived, though failed frequently to immolate his friend.

"You can't stay mad at her forever you know." Mary said next to him, startling Morgan out of his angry thoughts.

"What?" He asked confused, finally turning his gaze away from the blonde.

"Sarah. You can't stay mad at her forever."

Morgan scoffed at her, sputtering a bit as he looked back at his best friends' wife for a second before turning back to the same friends mom. "I can sure try." He told her.

Mary kept her gaze on Morgan for a few moments, seeing him squirm a bit under her intense gaze. Morgan hated when she did that. She pulled the same trick when he was a kid and Chuck and he had gotten into trouble and tried to lie about it. They got away with it sometimes depending on what it is, but Morgan always knew that his friends' mom didn't fully believe them.

"Well once she's gone it'll be easier to keep on hating her." He finally said after the silence began to get to him.

"You think she's going to leave?" Mary inquired, causing Morgan to quirk his brown slightly incredulous.

"Don't you? She's proven she's unreliable and cares for no one. She may be a great spy, but as a human she's failed miserably." He saw the woman herself shift in his peripheral vision and he turned his gaze once more to her. The way she swallowed and stared at her lap he was pretty sure that she had heard him. A momentary flash of shame coursed through him, but it was quickly dissipated as he thought of his friends' broken heart.

"I think, that we should put the past behind us for now and concentrate on finding my son before the government does." Mary stated, sitting fully back in her seat. "Chuck's in a lot of trouble and no matter what there is no good out for him."

"Then what do we do when we find him? If the government did this to him, do you really think that they'll help fix him?" Morgan asked her hopefully, though he knew the answer. The only way they would help fix him was to terminate him. He knew too much and was capable of too much.

Mary never answered him, which scared him more than he would like to admit.

***((***((***

Ellie parked her car in her normal spot, sighing tiredly and letting her head hit the back of the chair as she turned off the engine. She was exhausted. It came with the territory, she had been prepared for years for it as she worked her way into medical school and through residency, but what she wasn't prepared for was the heavy wary feeling in the pit of her stomach that never went away. It made her tired and irritable and she just wanted to crawl into bed and hide from the world.

But that was what Chuck did and now look what happened.

"Don't think about him." She muttered to herself pulling the key from the ignition and grabbing her purse. She refused to think about her missing brother during the day. She knew if she did she would fall apart and right now she had to stay together. She had an infant daughter and husband to take care of, she had patients that depended on her sanity and expertise, she had the Buy More and all of Chuck's assets to handle, Ellie just didn't have time to think about him and fall apart.

Finally exiting the car, Ellie locked it using the remote and headed towards her apartment. Correction, Chuck's apartment. That thought alone once again brought on the heavy wariness as she tossed her purse onto the nearest surface and then collapsed onto the couch.

Devon had wanted to move a few months ago. She had fought him on it, but looking around at the apartment that was now mostly theirs once again she debated if it was such a good idea to insist they stay there. Once he disappeared Ellie couldn't bring herself to leave. She felt slightly lost not knowing where he was and just staying there, being near all his junk made her feel like she hadn't really lost him.

Realistically she knew they would have to move, and soon.

Clara was getting so big, growing every day. They had placed her crib in Chuck's room, mostly so she had her own space but also, Ellie felt she would get to know the uncle that she's missing. But with a growing baby comes more stuff that requires room and soon Chuck's nerd haven would be too crowded for both Clara and his things.

"Hey there mama." Devon said cheerfully walking out of the back room. Ellies frown turned into a smile as she looked up and saw him carrying Clara in his arms. She reached out to her beautiful daughter and held onto her tightly as Devon let go of her.

"Hi there princess. What are you up to?" She asked Clara with a big grin on her face. Clara grabbed ahold of her mother's hair and tugged slightly, putting some of it in her mouth.

"She's been fed and changed babe. I know you're tired but I have something to take care of. Will you be alright?" Devon asked, leaning over the couch to place a kiss on his wife's head.

"Yeah, we'll be fine, won't we Clara?" She responded, tickling Clara's chin. The little girl giggled loudly making Ellies' own smile impossibly bigger.

"See ya later babes." Devon said as he grabbed his keys and exited, waiving at the two of them as he closed the door.

"So what should we do huh Clara?" Ellie asked her. Clara looked up at her with big soft brown eyes in response and Ellie nodded her head in agreement. "Alright, bed clothes it is."

Getting off the couch Ellie raised Clara high above her making her giggle again as they made their way to Clara's temporary room. As she slowly pushed the door open Ellie paused as she always did and looked around. It was both the same and different. All of Chuck's things were exactly where he had left them last. Ellie would always pitch a fit if she saw something out of place, which was why Clara wasn't permitted to play in the room, just sleep. She knew it was insane and keeping it perfect was impossible, especially with a growing child but she wasn't quite sure how she'd handle any change. It would mean that Chuck wasn't coming back and she was afraid that she'll forget things about him.

On the other hand the crib was out of place in the room as well as a few toys and a changing table. Clara was slowly but surely taking over the room with her toys and stuffed animals, her clothes and other baby essentials. Ellie knew it was inevitable but they were going to have to move soon.

She just didn't know how she was going to be able to do it.

***((***((***

Chuck took a deep breath as he entered the cool night air outside of the drug store. His body felt overheated and air inside the store was stale and hot. The moisture in the air from the recent rain felt good upon his heated skin as he closed his eyes and tried to get his breathing under control.

His body hurt, every nerve. He should have stayed in his hotel room but he was almost out of Laudanol and he needed to gather the ingredients to make more. It was something he was having to do more and more as time passed, only a short amount of time. He wasn't sure how much longer he'd be able to sustain what he was doing but he had so much left to do and he would do as much as he could.

Opening his eyes once more Chuck glanced the surrounding area, scoping out any possible threats before heading down the street, his shoes clacking on the wet pavement as he walked as fast as he could.

Sounds of life moving continuing on surrounded him as he passed apartment buildings and shops. Babies could be heard crying loudly over the barking of dogs and screaming voices of arguing people. Somewhere nearby a television was blaring loudly through an open window playing the familiar tune from Jeopardy, but he didn't notice any of it. The only thing Chuck could think of was getting back to his hotel as quickly as possible.

The noise blended together as the populated part of town slowly ended and the slums of the city began. It was a desolate part of town that nobody wanted to live and stayed away from if possible at night time. Gangs and drugs ran ramped in the area and violence was an everyday occurrence for those in the area.

It was the perfect place for him to hide.

There were no cameras in the area, no surveillance. Not even the cops cared to come to this place. In another life Chuck would have been affected by all the pain and suffering of those around him. He would do anything to help relieve any misery he could, even giving up his own shoes and last dollar.

None of it affected him now.

Chuck walked quickly continuing down the barren road, stepping over trash and other debris in his way. He purposely kept his mind blank as he walked, only focusing on the road beneath his feet until a scream from up ahead stopped him in his tracks.

Immediately the Intersect kicked into action as a flash came before him and his body jumped to action immediately, causing him to press himself into the brick wall nearby, using the shadows as a shield as he spied around the area.

The nerves in his body shocked him as the Intersect forced instructions into his limbs making them feel as if they were being stabbed by thousands of hot needles. But he ignored the ache as another scream filled the air and his body took action, quickly running down the street towards the sound.

A few blocks away a corner store stood out with its bright white florescent lights flooding out of the barred windows and out into the darkened street. The doors were held opened by large overfull garbage cans allowing Chuck to see the contents inside, but he wasn't focused on that, only the sounds of a girl crying inside and a man trying to calm her.

Not caring about the danger, Chuck walked up to the store, glancing in the window to see three men standing around with guns, one of them demanding the man behind the counter give them cash and cigarettes. If Chuck's mind wasn't filled with the horrors of the Intersect he would have felt pity for all those in there. That robbing a convenient store for a few bucks and smokes would be considered a big payday for the aggressive men inside.

Instead, as one of the men looked out the window, spotting Chuck, the Intersect worked quickly giving Chuck data on the man's criminal record just in time to allow him to duck down as a bullet came through shattering the glass missing him barely by a few inches.

Glass rained down on him as he duck and rolled up against the building, ignoring the cuts from the shards of glass as they dug into his skin. The man was a small time criminal, but nonetheless he was threatening so called innocents with guns and the Intersect was commanding Chuck to take him out, and Chuck was helpless to stop himself. The Intersect couldn't tell the difference between mostly harmless and dangerous, it just knew the man was uploaded into its database as a criminal and had to be dealt with.

Hearing the shouts of the other men and the scream once more from the girl, Chuck took the moment of chaos to leave his temporary safe place and run into the store.

Coming up to the first man who was on his way out the door to do who knows what, Chuck immediately flashed a serious of moves, ignoring the pain that accompanied it and reached for the gun. Grabbing it with both hands, he lifted his right leg kicking the man in his center as he sharply twisted his arms holding the gun to his left flipping the man over.

The other two jumped into action as their friend crashed into a row of snacks, causing it to collapse in a shower of junk food. They aimed their weapons at Chuck as he tossed the gun that was in his hands hard at one and swinging his leg up high and kicking the other one in the side of the head causing him to crash into the pole next to the counter with his head, blood splattering everywhere around him.

Chuck took that moment the third guy was distracted by his friend to close the distance between him and the man and wrap his hand around the back of his head and then jaw, swiftly turning it in an unnatural angle effectively snapping the man's neck.

Chuck let the man's body drop heavily to the floor, giving his attention to the second one who had hit his head. The guy looked dazed as blood dripped from the gash on his forehead. He tried steadying himself against the counter but Chuck took a knife out of his belt, removing the sheath and tossing it to the ground before holding the knife in his grip and stabbing it down upon the mans' hand, trapping it to the counter.

The man screamed out in pain, while Chuck snagged the large gun that was laying across his chest, pulling hard, twisting the man around and choking him with the strap. The man struggled as his hand stuck to the counter and the air was blocked from his airways, struggling against Chuck's body, face turning dark maroon until he finally stopped and his body slumped loosely in Chuck's arms.

Chuck stared at the chaos around him for a moment, assessing any more threats, breathing calm and normal. He knew he should feel remorse, that he would normally feel it. That it would and should consume him until he was so sick to his stomach that nothing on earth would stop the pain he was feeling.

He felt nothing.

A movement in the side of his vision took his attention away from his internal thoughts as the first man who had originally shot the window stood up gingerly from his fallen position. The man was holding onto his side in pain, blood pouring out of his nose and various other shallow cuts as he looked at his two friends in horror, mouth agape and eyes wide.

"What did you do?" the man said so softly, Chuck almost didn't hear him. He took a step back in fear, his eyes going back and forth between his friends' bodies. "What did you do?" He said louder now.

Chuck watched him expressionless as the man began to panic and back further away from him, trying to get to the door. But Chuck couldn't let him go. The Intersect wouldn't let him go. The man had a criminal record, he was a criminal and he must be taken out.

Moving too quickly for anyone to follow he grabbed the knife that still held the other guys hand to the counter, ignoring as it slid wetly down to join the rest of its owner's body and expertly threw the knife hitting the last man squarely in the throat.

The man tried to scream out in pain but was unable to, the only sound was a wet garbled noise as he collapsed to his knees before finally falling forward bleeding out. Chuck watched as the body twitched a few more times as the last of his blood drained from his body, covering the floor and mingling with his friends.

Silence finally descended all around, the only noise heard was the loud humming of the lights entwined with the soft hum of the refrigerators that covered the back wall. Chuck surveyed the damage he had caused with disinterest. Racks of food were knocked over and blood was sprayed all over everything and covering the floor. The Intersect was quiet in his head as Chuck allowed the moment of silent dissociation to take over him.

The moment was brief as a soft sob broke through his haze and he slowly turned around spotting the once screaming girl huddled in the corner being held tightly by the older man that had been cooperating with the men and giving them what they wanted. They both eyed him with side frightened eyes and for the first time during the whole incident a small pang of regret and horror coursed through his veins, causing his heart to ache painfully as realization hit him.

It was only for a moment, a blink and you'll miss it second that dissipated as he took a step towards the huddled couple and his eyes spotted the video surveillance above with his face openly displayed on it. The Intersect flashed once more behind his eyes, his body shuddering from the pain before blinking several times to get his barring's. With narrowed eyes Chuck took a step towards the two, taking out the nearest camera to him first as he went.

***((***((***

Beckman watched the video again for the fifth time, each time her stomach seemed to drop a bit lower. Bartowski had executed the whole thing with precision that impressed even her. Thought the three that were now dead were small time local criminals, Beckman did feel a small bit, very tiny bit of remorse for the owner and his daughter that had been caught in the crossfire.

It had been easy to clean up. Local authorities had viewed the surveillance tape and Chuck's prints and image had been scanned into the federal data based. While he was flagged, the notification was only know to the NSA as to not draw attention to him. Once he was identified it only took Beckman five minutes to get a team out there and put up a cover story and clean up the whole mess.

Nobody was the wiser. It was swept away as yet another casualty of the slums of the area and nobody blinked at the five dead bodies that were sitting in the county morgue.

It had surprised Beckman to get the call of Bartowski being identified. She didn't expect him to be so careless as to be caught in something so trivial, but as she watched the video multiple times she could see it, the Intersect, working, and surmised that in Chuck's weakened state, both physically and mentally, it had easily taken over.

But Bartowski was still in there, that she had no doubt of as she watched the end of the video again, watched as his posture loosened and he blinked several times. The way his brows lowered and his eyes seemed to soften as he looked at the final survivors. It was only a second but it was there before a flash had taken over again and he ended the cameras and the lives of the last two.

"Shall I forward this off to the assembling taskforce?" Her aid asked, standing up from the front of the desk as Beckman turned off the video.

'Hell no.' Beckman thought to herself before nodding yes. "And send it to Agent Casey as well."

***((***((***

A/N: Hope you enjoyed it.

 **zanex9:** Hope this is a good twist for you!

 **charahkids:** Fave already? it was only chapter 4! **  
**

 **phnxgrl:** they are the best to find him. Thank you for reading.

 **sevenrez:** Spies are really weird people. You I never know what they would do.

 **phathead01:** It's just not a good story unless someone has an emotional breakdown right?

 **.58118:** Thanks! I'm glad you're enjoying it.

 **Nomadic Nerd:** I'm always having trouble with Beckman. I like and respect her for her military discipline but I want to make her at least a little bit human. its a hard line to walk sometimes. As for the superiors...i haven't a clue yet!


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: I'm BACK! WOOT. Thanks Charahkids for reading through it.

Chapter 6

The pain he felt was unbearable. His body was over heated, sweat soaking him threw leaving him feeling as thought stuck in a shallow pool. Every nerve under his skin pulsed and shot throughout his anatomy feeling as if he were being electrocuted. As though millions of tiny needles were being pushed and pulled from each square inch of his skin and he felt he was being driven insane. He figured this was the closest to the Cruciatus curse that anyone could get and if he could, if he had just a small reprieve from the pain, he'd wonder if he'll eventually turn out as Neville's parents did.

'You wouldn't last long enough for that.' A cruel voice whispered in his ear, a voice he recognized as his as he brought his tight fisted hands up to his ear trying to block out the voice. It did no good and he didn't expect it to.

Despite the immense amount of pain he was in, he knew it was necessary, what he was doing, but he also knew that he would give in eventually. He always did, there was no real choice. He knew that he would give in or he could quite possibly lose his mind more then he already has.

He'd begun this process within the past month or so. So tired of being completely numb, of not feeling anything, of not seeing or feeling anything around him. He would deliberately not take the Laudanol just to feel something. Even if that something was nothing but excruciating pain, it was better than the endless nothing he felt while on it.

It allowed him a moment to feel the anger he knew he should feel towards his government for doing this to him. Taking him away from his family, drugging him, and destroying whatever life he might have had left. Chuck held them responsible for breaking his family apart at a young age, taking his parents away, leaving him and his sister to fend for themselves. He had gone into service and joined the CIA even after being somewhat free of them, believing he was doing some good in the world and that the Intersect was a gift. He had lied to his sister and friends so often that he had almost lost all their trust. Had sacrificed so much of himself to become what they required and wanted from him, only to end up being drugged into submission and taken away.

He followed their orders for the first few months after that, having no choice. They only gave him enough Laudanol to survive the missions they sent him out on. They had finally found a way to control their Intersect, ignoring the fact that he was a human as well. They never spoke to him, only ordered him, and the Intersect would leave him with little choice but to obey.

Chuck smiled through the pain at the remembrance of finally besting them. As they always have, they under estimated him and his skills of learning. Jill may have been right about how he slept through bio-chem at Stanford, but he still had knowledge of it, The Intersect has knowledge of it, and he was able to replicate the Laudanol, taking the control away from the CIA. It was only a minor improvement as he was still a slave to the Intersect and the drug, it was better than the alternative.

Chuck finally couldn't take it anymore, the pain was too intense and he felt himself slipping. He rolled out of bed and onto the floor, taking a moment to try and catch his breath from the hard thump onto the wooden surface. He slithered and crawled as best he could, grimacing and moaning in pain as the few feet felt like miles to the table across the room where he kept the Laudanol out of his direct reach. Struggling to pull his body up with what little strength he could, Chuck reached up and grabbed the side of the table, reaching his gaunt fingers out desperately for the bottle that sat upon it. He quickly grabbed the container, sighing in relief as he let his body fall back to the ground and took out a pill, being careful to only take one, not wanting to accidently increase the dose in his desperation to stop the pain.

He swallowed the small white and green pill whole and dry and lay back on the floor to curl up and wait for it to take effect. Luckily it was quick acting and he wouldn't have to suffer for much longer. After a few minutes he could feel it take effect in his body. He felt the nerves in his body start to numb from head to toe as if ice was starting to flow through his veins until he was left unfeeling again with only a few muscle spasms to remind him of what he had just done.

Chuck rolled over onto his back, stretching his long frame out, cringing painfully as his joints snapped and popped and his muscles painfully stretched. Resting his hands upon his chest Chuck stared at the ceiling, trying to focus on the little dots above him. His mind spun dizzily around, leaving a nauseous feeling in his stomach as his body tried to gain its equilibrium again. It took several moments of forcing air into his lungs and back out again before he was able to do anything, but his entire being screamed at him to just stay where he was and never move again.

He knew that the best way to completely stay out of anyone's control was to lose his dependency on the Laudanol, but he wasn't sure if he could do it alone if it was possible at all, and he didn't exactly trust anyone at the moment. Everyone was just out for their own gain. To find what they could use him for and do so without any regard to him. He was basically just a toy that everyone was fighting over and nobody really cared about. Chuck knew that despite the fact the Intersect was still somewhat useful, he was well aware that the government was going to take him out. Their toy rebelled and rebellious toys weren't punished, they were terminated.

He wanted to feel anger, to feel disgusted at being used as a weapon. But he felt nothing at all.

Chuck lay on the floor for what felt like hours before finally lifting himself off the floor carefully and standing at his full height. His body wobbled and shook making him unsteady on his feet and he had to hold on tight to the chair next to him. He stood there for a moment looking around the room he was in taking in the small surrounding. It was a hotel room he had randomly crashed in a few nights ago after the incident at the convenient store. He hadn't even bothered going back to the previous hotel after, leaving behind the very few items he had and taking off leaving the city as quickly as possible.

Staying off the grid was easier than he had thought. Sarah had always made it sound so difficult and involved to do it correctly and completely but aside from his extracurricular actives he found it relatively easy. When everyone was looking for you and you had no reason to contact the outside world, it was as easy as staying in plain sight. That and having the Intersect in his brain helped a lot.

The room he was in was small and dingy. It was old and in disrepair, falling apart like everything else in the area. It was a good place to hide. Disregarding the used old furniture, the room was completely bathed in darkness with the curtains drawn tightly. Soft light shown through the tops and bottoms of the curtains as well as lightly through the thinning material giving enough light to see with, but that was all. It was enough. He liked the dark, thrived in it. It's how he imagined he felt on the inside. Dark and empty with nothing around.

With a slight shake of his head, Chuck tested his balance for a moment before finally letting go of the chair and turning towards the door behind him. Walking into the bathroom, he flipped the switch on the wall for the light and closed his eyes tightly at the sudden brightness. It burned his eyes as he stood still in front of the sink to give his retinas time to adjust. Pain shot through his head before receding, allowing him to finally open his eyes, blinking a few times and adjusting.

He turned the water of the shower on full blast, turning the dials on has hot as possible. He stripped his clothes that stuck to his body from his sweat, pooling them on the floor at his feet with little regard. He paused at the mirror above the sink, glaring at the face that stared back at him in the reflection. He barely recognized the man. His face was gaunt with thick dark bags under his eyes telling of sleepless nights. Almost a full beard scratched his face from lack of shaving the last few weeks.

Chuck hated the person he saw.

A stab of anger began to rise up in his chest, causing him to momentarily forget to breath. The sudden burst of emotion after a withdrawal session always startled and hurt the most, making his stomach turn and his head to pound. Leaning into the sink, Chuck used what strength he had left to hold himself up while he forced his body to breathe again while his lungs burned in desperation. Closing his eyes again he counted in his head backwards from ten, and then doing it again when the first and second attempt didn't work. Eventually opening his eyes again, he looked back up in the mirror, once again seeing his hated reflection and the anger began to rise again.

Without warning he pulled his fist back and shoved it through the mirror, shattering it into a million pieces. The shards crashed into the sink and around him on the floor scattering all around him. Chuck held still for a moment before pulling his fist away from what remained and slowly bringing it up to his face, flexing his sliced fingers as shards fell into the sink or dug themselves further into his skin, blood pooling in the basin.

He stared at it, willing to feel the pain in his hands, to feel the agony of hitting the glass and wall behind it. Of splitting his skin open and the blood dripping down his arm. But he felt nothing. Looking down at the blood pooling in the sink he picked up a larger shard sitting inside. Holding it tightly in his palm he turned towards the shower he had turn on and finally stepped under the spray.

The water had long lost the heat and was ice cold as it pounded down on his abused naked body. Chuck leaned against the wall of the stall, ignoring the drop of water pelting down upon his head and ripping into his face as he slowly slid down the length of it to the floor, pulling his knees up to under his chin as tightly as possible. He wanted to cry, to scream, anything. But all he felt was emptiness and blackness in the depths of his soul. He watched the blood from his hand wash down the drain, leaving his skin clean once again only to continue to bleed, fascinated by the swirling pattern it would make until it was almost completely clear water again, leaving him almost disappointed.

Chuck wasn't ready for it to end, for it to be clear and clean. With that he brought the shard of glass up to his eye line, staring at the razors sharp edges for a few moments before bringing it down to his thigh and pressing hard, dragging it across his skin. He closed his eyes for a moment at the sight of it, feeling a small twinge shooting from the wound he had caused himself. His breath hitched in his throat again and he felt the prickle of tears in the corner of his eyes that he knew would not fall. He just wanted things back to normal.

With that Chuck brought the shard down again and again upon his thigh, drawing out more lines and retracing existing ones.

If he couldn't feel the pain inside, he can at least show it on the outside.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Chuck walked down the street towards the club on Franklin Street. He had flashed on an arms dealer that was currently in Baltimore, Maryland looking to sell weapons to a drug cartel that the DEA was tracking and trying to shut down without much success. The information the feds had been able to collect showed that he liked to frequent high end clubs in the New England area.

Chuck decided he would be his next target.

Despite how naive his view was, Chuck felt he may be stuck with the drug coursing through his body, controlling him and his emotions, but he made the decision that he would take control of his fate and what he did with it. He was a rogue government Agent with the best intelligence available. He knew he could have just gone off grid and stayed in hiding forever, but even though he didn't feel his emotions, he remembered who he was.

He was Chuck Bartowski. He had been at one time a caring person who just wanted to help people. And with the information he had stored in his brain from the Intersect, he didn't believe his old self would allow it to go to waste.

Though he did know deep inside that the control he tried so hard to fight for, he didn't have. Yet again he was a just a slave for the Intersect.

Walking up to the bar Chuck found a small line in front and stepped behind the others and waited for his turn. Voices and conversations floated around him from the others and Chuck braced himself tightly in the event the Intersect would pick up on anyone. Once in front of the line he discreetly held two $500 bills to the muscle at the front door and was waived in with barely a glance.

The club was dark except for the flashing strobing lights around the room, and ultra violet lights with smoke hazing around everything as the music pounded loudly in his ears. The pounding made Chucks empty stomach quake and the feeling to throw up became strong, but he held fast as he stepped to the side to avoid the people who danced wildly all around the room as he looked around for his target.

Not spotting him right away he walked up to the bar where a beautiful blonde in skimpy clothing was serving alcohol to mostly men who flung obscene offers at her. He pushed himself through them to the front, gaining glares and loud gestures and words in annoyance. Chuck didn't care.

"What can I get you sweetie." The barmaid asked as he stepped up to the bar, making his presence known.

"Gin and tonic." He said simply, pushing a hundred dollar bill across the counter. She raised her eyebrow and a crooked smile at him as she began making his drink. She put it on the bar in front of him with a napkin underneath. "Keep it." He stated when she took the bill and he walked away to look for his mark again.

He decided to sit at a table near the back to have a better view of those around him. Sitting at a table in a corner Chuck sipped his drink, not even feeling the burn as the liquid slid down his throat as he stared, watching the bodies sway on the dance floor freely. It was hypnotic as those brave enough to free themselves in public bumped and ground around the dance floor with the others, their bodies creating silhouettes in the thick smoke and strobing lights.

It reminded him of his first date with Sarah. The heat of the other bodies, the margaritas they'd had at dinner making his head feel slightly tipsy but freeing his inhibitions a bit. The club had been very warm and bodies clashed into his as Sarah had dragged him out onto the dance floor and danced around him. He was amazed at her skill and turned on by how beautiful she looked as she grabbed onto him or reached out for him. He had felt fear and elation at the thought that this beautiful woman appeared to be into him and for a second Chuck had allowed himself to think that maybe the bad times were beginning to fade.

That was of course until she dragged him outside, broke into the Nerd Herder and efficiently changed his life in that one night. Both for the good and bad.

Chuck shook his head to break himself out of his memories. He didn't want to think of that. That was the past. One that he could never go back to. His wife had lost her memories and walked away from him. He had become a burden on his family and friends at his inability to cope with the loss. While he didn't like being forced into the situation he's in now, he knew he couldn't go back. They were better off without him and he knew they wouldn't be safe. He was a wanted man now, always it seemed, and he would do anything to allow his friends and family to live in peace, away from the government agency that wishes to destroy them.

He shook his head again, telling himself to stop thinking about such things. To stop remembering and to stay focused. He drank the rest of his drink in one gulp enjoying the burn and closing his eyes for a second in the bliss of it before finally opening them and looking across the room once more.

He grimaced for a second as he saw someone walking towards him, hips swaying sexily while walking in heels so high she would have fallen flat if they weren't experienced. It was one of the hazards of sitting alone, people tended to feel you needed company or take the opportunity to place themselves in your presence for one reason or another. The woman approaching was unusually tall and lanky wearing a beautiful gold skin tight dress that glittered when hit by one of the lights. His face became neutral when recognizing Sarah's old friend Carina Miller. He hoped she wasn't there to apprehend him; he wouldn't want to kill his wife's best friend.

'She's not your wife.' The voice in his head told him and he shook it away. Now was not a time to begin an argument with his inner thoughts.

Carina stopped in front of his table, towering over him for a moment, her eyes glittering with mischief and curiosity. He didn't acknowledge her presence until she crossed her arms and cleared her throat, sounding slightly husky from the smoke they were breathing in.

"Chuckles, what are you doing here?" She asked simply. Not exactly the greeting he was expecting but it's better than being forced outside only to have kill her. He looked up and met her stare unblinkingly. Her jaw dropped as she finally got a look at his appearance, Chuck could tell the moment her snarky sexy act turned into one of genuine concern. Again, not what he expected. She pulled out a chair and dropped her lanky body into it without hesitation. "What the hell happened to you?"

"Please leave Carina." He said simply, looking her in the eyes. She closed her mouth tightly her eyes going hard as her brows narrowed.

"I don't take orders from you Chuck. What are you doing here?"

"Why don't you tell me why you are first?" He easily countered. He could see her thinking for a long moment, debating if she should tell him what her mission was. And it was a mission, Chuck knew that. While Carina may seem like a party girl he knew who she really was even if she didn't know it.

"I'm on a case. I'm meeting my mark here for drinks." She said after a few minutes of silence. He nodded at her response.

"Is your mark Jose Calibro?" He inquired, already knowing the answer. She didn't confirm nor deny.

"What is the CIA's interest? Or are you here on vacation? I heard Sarah is in DC now." She said. Chuck slammed his glass down on the table hard causing her to jump startled. Silence once again took over.

Ignoring the comment about Sarah it peaked his curiosity that Carina believed he was with the CIA. He was well aware of the kill order out on him and being as she was a top agent and knew him well, he would figure the CIA and DEA would jump on bringing her in to capture him.

"Jose Calibro is here to speak to an arms dealer by the name of Mika Baros. I'm here to stop both." Carina's eyes widened at that proclamation.

"No, you do that and you ruin 4 months of DEA undercover work. Not to mention..."

"I don't care about your undercover work. I'm sure the DEA can find another assignment for you to whore yourself out to." He sneered out. Her face got tight with anger and she raised her hand quickly to slap him. His hand shot up quicker stopping her hand in place grasping tightly, not caring if he left any bruises or broke anything.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." He said silently to her in an unnervingly calm voice. She glared back at him trying to pull her arm back but he had a firm grip on her wrist. After a few more moments of their staring contest he slowly loosed his grip and let her take her arm back, pulling it close to her chest and rubbing her wrist with her other hand.

"And what do we have here my sweet?" A voice behind Carina inquired, resting his arms on her shoulders. Chuck didn't take his eyes off Carina's, conveying to her to not blow his cover. She gave a look of defiance for a brief moment before defeat took over with a small nod of her head before turning around slightly to face the man behind her, greeting him with a kiss as he leaned down.

"Jose, this is a friend of mine. This is…"

"Charles. Charles Carmichael." Chuck said simply, finally looking at the man, raising his hand to shake his.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Charles. Carina here doesn't introduce many friends. Are you from the area?" Jose inquired politely, still with his hands tightly on Carina's shoulders, showing obvious possession.

Chuck gave an easy smile putting out an aura of ease. "I'm here on business. I just happened to have bumped into Carina here. "Chuck said with a chuckle.

"And what kind of business are you into that bring you to Baltimore?" Jose asked him.

"He's in shipping dear. Perhaps you two should chat about that. He could help you with your business." Carina said helpfully. Chuck gave a slight smile as thanks.

"And what kind of work are you in that we would speak?" Chuck asked. Jose was silent for a moment or two, obviously appraising Chuck.

"I'm in shipping. Perhaps you would like to join Carina and me in the back. I have a meeting with another partner that perhaps would be able to use your services." He said invitingly. Meeting Carina's eyes again he nodded his acceptance of the invitation. Surprised by how quickly everything had gone. He filed away a thought to put more consideration into Carina's talent as an agent.

They headed through the dancers in the middle of the club to the other side of the club where the private VIP rooms lay. The muscles at the curtain stepped aside, holding the curtain open for them to pass through, obviously knowing already who Jose was. The back room was surprisingly lit brighter, something he was not expecting for a club that dealt with items on the black market. He could see people in booths separated around the room, with partially closed curtains for privacy conducting their business.

Chuck followed Jose and his men with Carina to a table in the far back where a large man sat with three heavy set bodyguards standing to the side. They approached the table and Jose introduced everyone and sat down.

"Let's just get to business Baros. I'm looking for some hardware; tell me what you've got." Jose started, apparently not one for small talk. Baros went over what weapons he had to sell and they discussed prices. Once everything was agreed upon Baros ordered drinks for them all to seal the deal.

"So, Mr. Carmichael, you're in shipping huh? What exactly do you ship?" Baros inquired of Chuck. Chuck took a sip of his whisky before answering.

"I ship whatever needs it." He said vaguely. Carina looked over at him, eye brow raised obviously impressed. Chuck had come a long way from where he was when she first met him.

"Really. What sort of protection do you offer to your clients for their goods?" Chuck had trouble not rolling his eyes at how trusting these guys seemed to be for people breaking the law. Everything was going far too easily and Chuck was getting bored with the whole charade. He wanted to finish the job and get out of Maryland before the CIA figured out he was there. They had already come to close to liking already and being so close to DC was not a smart idea.

Chuck finished his drink and set his glass down on the table. He reached his hand up behind him to draw the curtains closed fully before reaching into his holster to pull out his gun with the silencer on and quickly shot both men between the eyes before either could react or even know what was going to happen.

Carina jumped in shock but her training kicked in quick enough to not allow a sound to come out. Jose's arm still wrapped around her shoulder she was covered on the face and her top with brain matter. She just stared at Chuck in shock, eyes wide never believing that Sarah's cute sweet overly sensitive husband would become a cold blooded killer.

Not saying a word Chuck handed over a handkerchief to wipe her face off and his coat to cover her top. When she was presentable again they both slid out from the booth, careful not to pull the curtains away too far to allow those around them to see inside.

"Andy, the bosses want to be alone for a while to discuss their business further, they said not to interrupt." Carina said passing the dealers bodyguards. The one named Andy nodded his acknowledgement and Carina and Chuck walked out of the club and into the chilled night.

***((***))***

They walked quickly down to the waterfront as far away from the club as possible, not sure how much time they had before the bodies were discovered. They stopped after a few minutes and stood overlooking the water. It calmed Chuck's busy head watching the ripples on the surface in the moonlight. They stayed in a comfortable silence, each lost in their own thoughts for several minutes.

"Perhaps you should hurry back to wherever you were staying and get your belongings before they realize you were involved in their boss's murder." Chuck suggested calmly, not looking at her. Carina turned around and leaned against the gate.

"No point. A good spy knows not to have anything you may need to leave behind. Nothing important will be lost." She said looking at him. Chuck continued to stare out onto the water feeling her gaze on him but not wanting to give her any reaction.

"What are you going to do now?" He inquired. He sensed Carina pause for a moment in thought before answering.

"Go back to Washington. Report to my bosses." She stated.

"What are you going to tell them?" He asked quietly. Again silence stretched between.

"I'll tell them that a rival of one of theirs came in and killed them." She said casually. Chuck finally looked at Carina, meeting her eyes, wondering what her motive would be for lying. "It's fully plausible." She said simply as if it were obvious and he was questioning her.

Chuck turned from the water then and took a step closer to her, trying to gather the words for his question. Carina's reputation as a wildcard made her very unpredictable and hard to trust and right now Chuck couldn't afford to trust anyone. He didn't even trust himself.

"Will you be telling them about me?" He inquired quietly. He could see by the way the side of her lips turned up that she was enjoying watching him squirm a bit and he let her have that moment.

"I see no reason to." She finally said quietly.

"Thank you." He replied back and turned back out to the water. He felt Carina step closer to him, getting in his personal space. He had to fight himself not to push her away, not use to have anyone so close to him any longer.

"Chuck, where are you with Sarah?" She asked him. Chuck barked out a laugh.

"Are you hitting on me Carina?" He asked.

"Well, I'm here, you're here. A double murder was involved. I figure, why not." She shrugged. Chuck couldn't help the smile gracing his face. He knew he should feel something about what was happening, but honestly, he didn't know what.

"I'm surprised you asked about Sarah then."

"Well, you may think I'm a whore, and while it seems mostly true, Sarah is the closest thing I have to a best friend. She's always been there and I don't know, I kinda don't want to mess that up." Carina admitted.

Chuck leaned in closing the distance between them, getting as close to her lips as possible without actually touching them. He pushed the repulsion from his mind of being so close to another human being as his need to be close to one again pushed to the front.

"Sarah made her choice and I wasn't it." He whispered to her, hearing his own voice crack from the pain of that knowledge. He closed the distance between them and pressed his lips to Carina's. She responded immediately, opening her mouth to allow him entry. He pressed himself into her running his fingers through her hair. He was surprised by the feeling that course through him. Apparently lust wasn't one of the emotions suppressed, or perhaps it's just too strong a feeling.

"Chuck, are you sure this is a good idea." Carina asked between kisses. Chuck stopped and pulled back a bit gazing directly into her eyes.

"No, but that doesn't matter." He kissed her again more aggressively and he knew the next time he stopped the Laudanol he would hate himself even more then he already did. "Nothing matters anymore."

A/N: I'm halfway through editing the next chapter.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: I'M BACK! If you're curious whats been going on I put it at the bottom. For now enjoy the chapter. Its not Beta'd as I couldn't get ahold of them...its been like 9 months so...yeah lol.

Original Chapter: 3019 words  
New Chapter: 4097

Chapter 7

Sarah sat back in the swivel chair at the main conference table in Castle. It was an odd feeling for her to be there. On one hand everything seemed alien and it put her on edge to not know her surroundings. On the other, a sense of familiarity kept washing over her, calming her senses, making her feel secure like the underground base was a second home. It was an overwhelming war that waged inside of her but she fought it to keep her focus on the task at hand:

Find Chuck before anyone else does.

While they were working with the CIA to apprehend Chuck, they were also working against them to get to him first. The CIA's main objective was to terminate, while theirs were to apprehend. They were both working different goals on the same side, and they didn't want to help the CIA get the lead on Chuck before them. The Intelligence community had no interest in keeping Chuck alive. They had no interest in the removal of the Intersect and saving the man who had given them all he could. So it was unspoken that the group would have to work as quickly as possible to get to him first.

Gaining access to the secret base was easier than they thought it would. With Ellie in control of all assets pertaining to Chuck they figured she would have had it locked down. Apparently they were wrong, and they were able to get in relatively easily with Sarah's codes. She didn't think they would work at first and had been very apprehensive as she remembered some of the security measures put in place for this exact thing. But a few stroked buttons and a retinal scan later and they were all entering the tunnels.

The unusual group of spies spent the first three days of their search going over as much data as they could, which was both a lot and very little at the same time. The files held details upon details of the activity of Chuck. Of his missions after going rouge, the crime scenes, the victims. What the files lacked were the missions before, the ones after they had kidnaped him from a secure hospital and forced a deadly drug into him.

General Beckman sent over all official, and to their surprise, some unofficial reports of everything pertaining to Chuck and the Intersect in the past year, but a lot of it was still missing. It had been unspoken between the three spies as they read the reports, hearing Morgan's frequent bouts of disbelief, that knowing the details of the missing files were probably even more earth shattering then the ones they do have. Even Casey had seemed slightly bothered by what he was reading. Though Sarah wasn't sure if it was from was written or that the horrible deeds were done by sweet and gentle Chuck. Casey had said several times since Chuck began the path to become a real spy that the nerd wasn't a killer. He had finished Chuck's red-test for him for that reason.

By following clues and hunches in the files the team discovered there were more than just the five that Beckman had mentioned. There were at least a dozen similar events just in lesser scales, spread out mostly on the eastern seaboard. That thought alone frightened each of them, including Sarah who couldn't remember him entirely, but knew enough that this was beyond devastating news for all of them.

Sarah sighed loudly, tossing the report down on the table and rubbing her eyes tiredly. The others looked over at the loud sound startled. They had all been so quiet since they began digging through the reports days ago that the noise seemed to echo twice as loudly as it should have across the room.

"This is starting to feel hopeless. There is nothing in here that will tell us where he is. Only where he's been." Sarah huffed out looking exhausted. So far they haven't gotten anywhere on the search for chuck.

Mary got out of her chair and came over to stand by Sarah. "Don't give up yet. We've only just begun. This is too important to quit." She said firmly. Sarah nodded agreeing. That was never in question and frowned at Mary's not-so-subtle insinuation.

"I'm not suggesting we quit, I'm just stating that this route doesn't seem to be helping. There's no pattern of where he would be. He jumps from one place to another. The only thing that seems consistent is he hasn't left the states yet. He's not even going in the same direction." She picks up a couple of folders from the table.

"This report has him in Oregon and then next in Virginia, and then back to New Mexico." She stated. "The rest are mostly on the east coast but that doesn't tell us where he will be next."

"Are they connected in anyway?" Morgan asked reaching out for the reports in Sarah's hands. She passed it over to him and shook her head. She couldn't see any commonalities other than they were bad guys that were slaughtered. Slaughtered by Chuck Bartowski, sweet nerd extraordinaire. Other than the five that Beckman stated were the work of Chuck, the other seven just had common elements to the five confirmed, it was entirely possible it wasn't even Chuck's work, though deep down inside, Sarah knew it was. They all did.

Casey let out a growl, of deep thought putting down his own file and looked up around the table. Sarah met his eyes and for a brief moment she felt some kind of connection, some kind of camaraderie and knew that they would find him somehow with the two of them together.

Sarah shuddered slightly and shook her head lightly to clear it. She didn't need to be distracted by her returning memories and feelings. There would hopefully be time for that later.

Giving another low grunt in though Casey flipped open yet another file in front of him and began to scan the contents. "Where was the last one at? Maybe we can start there and…"

"And what Casey? There is nothing linking them so how would we know his next step? By the time we got there he would be long gone. He's never stayed in the area after." Sarah said exasperated.

"He's following the Intersect." Morgan said flipping through some other reports and comparing them. They stopped arguing and looked at him, but he didn't notice, he was looking at reports and highlighting lines on them

"What do you mean moron?" Casey grunted out, clearly annoyed that Morgan didn't continue explaining. Morgan ignored him only raising a finger to indicate he needed another minute causing another growl from the Colonel. He did not like being brushed aside. He went from report to report skimming and highlighting and skimming more. The three spies watched him for a good twenty minutes before Mary had had enough.

"Morgan dear, please. What are you taking about?" With a final line through some text on the folder in front of him, Morgan read it once more with a nod. Capping the highlighter he was using, Morgan stood up from the table and immediately began moving folders around in some kind of sequence that only he could figure out at the moment as the others watched him with both curiosity and annoyance.

Finally looking up from what he deemed order but was obviously chaos to the rest of them he expanded his previous statement. "I mean exactly what I said. Chuck's following the Intersect." The three spies shared a look before turning back to Morgan expectantly. "I noticed on the report from Oregon you just gave me that there was on the list of victims a Hugo Morales. And looking on a report before that, on the time line, in fact right before it, was in Florida of a drug cartel. It had quite a few of the victims' names, which included Marty Schultz, Kent Donovan, and Manuel Calibro. They were associated with Hugo Morales though this cartel. Manuel Calibro is the brother of Jose Calibro who according to this report this morning is the latest victims along with the guy he was meeting. Some arms dealer named Mika Baros." Morgan finished.

While he was explaining the others had gathered around him looking over the reports and highlights of everything, tracking Morgan's line of thinking. From Mika Baro's there were a few other names listed that eventually led back to the Oregon report with Hugo Morales.

"Damn. The moron is right." Casey breathed out very impressed. Quickly they all gathered the files on the table and began placing a timeline on the wall behind them. They spent the greater part of 3 hours putting it together and fitting in any missing pieces. Once finished they all stood back and looked at their work, a feeling of hope finally filling them up, giving them the feeling they could possibly do this. They could get Chuck.

But along with the hope came the crushing realization how much trouble Chuck was in. Not with the law, that was obvious with the first murder, but mentally. Chuck was so far off the rails that a pit inside of Sarah's stomach began to grow in fear that perhaps they could be too late. Perhaps he can't be saved.

Perhaps terminating him would be kinder.

"Ok, so now what?" Casey asked the question that's on each of their minds. They have a timeline so now they just had to put it to good use. Somehow.

An alarm sounded in the room as the security screen behind them popped on. They saw Alex's face standing in front of the panel in theater room trying to get in. Sarah was about to press the key sequence to allow her entry when to their horror Devon stepped into view of the camera and punched in a code. They heard the door open above as the two entered the elevator that would bring them down to castle.

"What the hell is your daughter thinking Casey?" Mary shouted angrily. Casey just met her glare and walked to the staircase where the two had just entered the base. Devon exited first, striding down the stairs with purpose and a stern look on his face. The face that makes him a formidable doctor.

"Devon, dear, what are you doing here? I thought you had Clara today." Mary inquired when he reached the bottom of the stairs. Devon crossed his arms and stared her down. No easy task since his mother in law was a trained spy who had spent the previous 20 years undercover with Alexi Volkoff.

"I did but I dropped her off at daycare on the way here." He said. Not giving anything else away. A few moments of uncomfortable silence filled the air.

"Well, what brings you by?" Mary tried again. Devon walked away from her and into the main conference area, glancing at the wall housing their newly assembled timeline, his eyes hardening at the sight of Chuck's picture at the start of the timeline, and even further down with surveillance pictures amongst other things.

"What is all this?" He demanded, obviously angry now, not taking his eyes off the wall. When nobody answered he finally looked away, eyeing the now five other occupants in the room. "What are you guys doing here?" He demanded again, before his eyes met Sarah's. "What are YOU doing here?" He asks her specifically.

Sarah took a step back from him, feeling the anger roll off him. She wasn't sure exactly what to say. She remembered almost nothing of him. Only that he was Chuck's brother in law, which would make him hers as well.

"Devon, what are you doing here. How did you know we were here?" Mary said stepping between Devon and Sarah. She put her complete spy face on, strict, determined, willing to fight, and knowing she'll win. Devon just shook his head as if clearing his thoughts and looked back at the wall.

"When Ellie locked this place down, Chuck had left instructions on how to secure it. I was going through a drawer in the kitchen when I notice this device." He pulled a small hand held device out of his pocket that was blinking. "When you click the button it tells you what is secure."

Devon pressed the button on the device and it cycled through a list of properties each green with the word secure until it came to the one with Castle which was red and blinking 'security breach'.

"I was on my way here when I ran into Alex. She asked me where I was going. Apparently she's not exactly like Casey because I could tell she was hiding something." Casey grunted in annoyance at the put down of his daughter, but Sarah couldn't figure out if it was from Alex lacking ability to hide things or from the way Devon was talking about her.

"I'm sorry guys. Once he said there was a breach at castle and he was on his way here, I didn't see the point in lying. Even if warned you, he'd still be able to see someone was here. "Alex stated dejectedly by the staircase. Morgan walked over to her and gave her a comforting tight hug, ignoring the further annoyance growl coming from her very large father.

"It's ok Alex. I would have caved before that." Morgan told her with Casey grunting in agreement to that, even though everyone knew it wasn't exactly true anymore. Sure Morgan screwed up a lot, and was the worst spy ever, but he had a good heart and was fiercely loyal and he has improved a lot in the years.

"I don't care about any of that. What are you doing here and how did you get in." Devon said again, breaking up the moment.

"It's Chuck man. He's in trouble." Morgan said simply. Devon swung his eyes away from the wall to look around at the others. They all nodded in agreement, backing Morgan's statement up.

Sarah watched as his brow crinkled in thought. "How can he be in trouble? He disappeared." Devon said simply.

"He didn't Devon. He was taken by the government. They wanted the Intersect to work again." Mary started.

"Uh, Agent Bartowski, should you be telling him this?" Casey stated harshly, glaring at Devon, obviously no love loss there.

"We have to Casey. He's here, he knows we're here. We may need his help when we get him back." Mary stated.

"Help how? To get in the way? To whine the whole time? We have Grimes for that." Casey argued. As Morgan grumbled that he took offense to that comment while admitting it was true, a memory crossed her mind, a mission in a political type building, Devon and Chuck in scrubs.

"He's a doctor." Sarah said quietly. They all turned to her at that revelation.

"You have your memory back?" Devon asked curiously. Sarah shook her head.

"Not entirely but it's coming back. You're a doctor. You'll be able to help once we have him." She stated firmly, elated at remembering that and that they now had at least someone with real medical experience to help. While they had some medical training in the field, the amount of medical attention Chuck will most likely need was far out of any of their skill range.

"I don't think that's a great idea Sarah. What about Ellie? We'll have to tell her too." Mary said soothingly. Sarah once again shook her head.

"Then we should-" Sarah argued back. Devon put his hands up to stop any further comment on that front.

"Why don't you let me be the judge on what Ellie should or shouldn't know and just tell me what's going on." Devon suggested firmly.

Sarah didn't really like that. She may not remember much but she remembered enough that Ellie does not like secrets being kept from her, especially when it involved her family. And as a woman, Sarah wasn't sure Ellie would appreciate her husband taking on what she should or shouldn't know. Being Mary Bartowski's daughter, Ellie was a very independent woman.

They all took a seat around the conference table then and told Devon the horrible story of what's happened to his brother in law. Devon looked shocked, and horrified. As he should be. Sarah could see the disbelief that his mild mannered brother in law who last he saw was on the threshold of death at his own depression could turn out to be a killer. And seeing the crime scene photos on the wall, it just backed up how messed up Chuck currently was. They explained to him the drug he was on, Laudanol and its effects. Devon had stated he had never heard of it but it didn't sound pleasant.

They all sat in silence yet again after the tale was told. Devon was staring yet again at the wall, now understanding what it meant. Sarah thought for a moment that the doctor before her would be sick. He had paled considerably during the tale and seemed to be trying to take steady breaths.

"Ok, this is what we're going to do." Devon said finally turning away from the wall, obviously unable to look at it any longer. "You continue on what you're doing, and you get me everything you can on this drug he's on. I'll do some research and come up with a detox plan for him." He paused to look each of them in the eye. "And for now we don't tell Ellie."

Morgan raised his hand at that.

"Dumbass this isn't a school." Casey spat out at him. Morgan didn't deter from his hand raising, even waving it around until Devon called on him.

"Are you sure that's a good idea. I mean, if anyone would be determined to help Chuck it would be Ellie." Morgan said. Devon shook his head to that.

"No, when it comes to Chuck, a mother bear defending her cubs would be like playful kittens. We'll tell her when we have to and deal with the consequences at that time." Devon said decidedly.

"Do you really think you should be making decisions for my daughter, Devon?" Mary inquired angrily. She may have had to leave her children when they were young, but she had raised her daughter in the time she was there to be independent and rely on no man.

"Yes, I should. Because Ellie has a lot on her plate and mind. Not only with Clara and me our little family, she also has work and everything involving Chuck to deal with. She's stretched thin as it is and I don't want to give her false hope before we have to." He said decidedly.

"False hope?" Sarah asked quietly, staring at the table. "Is this really what you think this is? You don't think he'll find him?" Devon reached for her hand across the table comfortably. She looked him in the eyes and tried to hold back her tears.

"I'm a doctor. I live in the real world. And the unfortunate truth is that bad things happen to good people, and it's not like TV where it's easily resolved. "Devon took a deep breath, removing his hand from hers."Once we have Chuck I'll tell Ellie. She'll want to be a part of his recovery."

They all nodded to that. They figured it would be the best way. It gave them hope to be discussing part of Chuck's recovery instead of just his demise and Sarah could see that they were not glad the doctor had decided to look in the kitchen drawers that day.

"How did you guys get in here anyways? Ellie used that code Chuck had listed in his stuff that shut it out for everyone and you needed the counter code to be able to bypass it." Devon asked the curiously.

"Well guess that code thingy didn't include any of Walkers logins as she was easily able to get in and do whatever she wanted." Casey stated with a smug smile.

"Well, she does own half of everything. Guess he wanted her to have access to all her stuff. "Mary jumped in. Sarah had yet to add anything, not really comfortable discussing this topic. Since she left Burbank she was well aware of all her assets. Chuck had sent the packet to the Director of the CIA for her as he didn't know where she lived. She had pushed it aside for weeks and weeks until her doctor had suggested looking at it, seeing if anything came to her.

Only a couple of things.

"What does that mean for Ellie?" Morgan asked. Sarah looked confused.

"What do you mean?" She inquired.

"Well Walker, you own half of everything Bartowski does. Including Castle, Buy More, the apartment at Echo Park, plus almost $1 billion in net worth dollars. Who knows what else?" Casey informed her.

Sarah thought about it for a moment. The shear amount of the assets had scared her. She never had much of anything that was really her property. She didn't feel any of it was her's. It was all Chucks. She was just beginning to remember things and people. She wasn't quite ready to handle anything of that proportion.

"I think it's best if she's willing to do so, for her to continue to handle this stuff for now. I'll concentrate on finding Chuck." She suggested.

"She's stressed right now but I think it does help her. But just know it is yours, and you are free to take it back when you want. Regardless what happens with Chuck? I know that's what he would want." Devon told her.

"Great, now that the mushy shit is out of the way can we get back to work? Casey ground out. He gained a kick from his daughter for his effort. He just gave her a quick glare which she quickly returned. Devon raised his hands in apology.

'Sorry to interrupt bro. Is there anything I can help with?" Devon offered. With a quick goodbye He got up from the table and left castle. Leaving them all there alone in their thoughts trying to track Chuck.

"I've been thinking." Morgan started getting out from his chair and walking to the wall timeline. "Anyone else think it's odd that all the other crime scenes were basically just a mass slaughter fest, while the last scene was only two deaths with nobody even noticing they were dead for over an hour?"

The others got up from the table and crowded along the end. Sarah picked up the file of that scene from the table behind them and skimmed through it.

"This club is notorious for all sorts of illegal activities from the back room. It's a private club and very difficult to get into in the first place." She said.

"He could have killed everyone back there without anyone in the front knowing for a while. So why only those two?" Mary cut in. Morgan agreed hopping slightly from foot to foot in excitement.

"And how neatly too. One shot each to the head. It's a complete change from his other…." Morgan deflated at that. Losing his excitement for catching it first. He didn't like thinking of his best friend as a murderer.

"What is it?" Mary asked breaking Morgan from his unhappy thoughts. He looked at Sarah and Casey who were still looking at the file, both with bleak expressions.

"What?" Morgan said a little more forcefully. Sarah and Casey glanced at each other for a second silently communicating.

"The reason for only two victims is he wasn't alone." Casey started. "He apparently had a friend there that night."

Casey turned the file around showing a picture of Jose Calibro and Carina Miller cozying up together.

"According to the report, the DEA had her undercover agent investigating Jose Calibro. She was at the club that night.

"Did Jose's men say if anyone was around with them?" Mary asked

"Negative. In fact, everyone who was with Jose that night turned up in the morgue a few days later. The only person who is alive that was there was Carina." Casey had a gleeful look on his face obviously thinking of what torture to use to gain the information from her.

"I'll call the General about getting Carina here to answer some questions then." Mary said, walking away.

A/N: So whats been haps with me? Well I had to finish that vampire diaries fic. Glad that over with. um...I moved, I got a new position in company that actually requires me to work so I'm figuring out time for writing. I became an aunt to sweet little Lilliana 'Lily" Athena. Coincidentally I wrote a story 4 years ago where chuck had a kid named Lily. Small world right? Anyways I've gone back to working no this. I just re watched Chuck on bluray and man Zac is gorgeous and lanky *drools* So I have a few fic ideas but I figure you'll want this one done first sooooooo. Has anyone even read that "ABC's Of Chuck?" I was writing. I'm not sure I want to continue it or just delete it. Hope you all have had a good year!


	8. Chapter 8

Thank you to Charahkids for pre-reading this! I always appreciate you. Only got a few reviews but meh...I appreciate them all the more. Thanks at the bottom.

Original chapter (6) 3405 words  
New Chapter: 5470 words

Chapter 8

Carina sat back in her chair, legs crossed and arms folded over her chest. She knew it was a sign of insecurity and signal that she was hiding something, but Carina attempted to play it off as boredom and inconvenience. She never thought she would be back in the underground bunker, and if she was honest with herself she had hoped she wouldn't be. Little known fact about Carina Miller, DEA Agent at the highest level, she didn't like being underground.

When she got the phone call from her boss two days ago regarding the Jose Cabrillo case she feigned confusion. She had already given her report and received her next assignment, but knew right away it was regarding Chuck. It didn't take a genius with Chuck's brain to figure out something wasn't right with him. The Chuck she knew was a good guy, too sweet and innocent for the spy game. It always baffled her how he got involved in it but truth be told she had seen stranger things in her career. However the man she had recently left was strong, confident, and deadly, shooting two men point blank without blinking then calmly walking out of the club with her.

Good guys didn't do that.

As promised to Chuck she hadn't mentioned his involvement to anyone. So getting a call to head to Burbank immediately surprised her. She had been careful to not leave any evidence that she had seen him or been with him causing her to spend the entire plane ride going over everything she had done in regards to the case since she came back.

She thought about trying to contact Chuck, to let him know that she was being called to Burbank but she decided to wait till she knew more first. She was surprisingly afraid of what he might do if he knew. Something inside of her told her that whatever was wrong with the geek, he's changed into a different person who was now unpredictable.

Lost in her own thoughts Carina startled slightly at hearing clanking on the stairs to her left. She saw Casey stomp down the steps followed closely by Morgan, Chuck's mother whose name she forgot, and to her surprise Sarah.

Last she heard Sarah was back at Langley doing recertification and working on domestic cases. Carina had requested that Sarah be assigned to her latest case but the request was denied much to Carina's annoyance. She'd never admit it but she missed having a friend around, and with her memories wiped as Carina had heard, she was back to the old Walker she knew and loved.

Though she would never admit out loud that she had liked the change in her friend that came with falling in love with the nerd she was sent to protect.

Carina hid her shock of seeing Sarah there with a roll of her eyes and a look of derision. "Well well, look what the cat dragged in. If it isn't Sarah Bartowski, oh, sorry, Walker." Carina teased as they approached the table. Sarah gave her a hard look before taking her seat, staring at Carina impassively. It was the definitely the Sarah Walker she knew.

The others came around the table, taking their seats as they kept their eyes on her. She wanted to roll her own once again at their lame attempt to be intimidating but instead settled for a quirk of her brow. They all stared at each other and Carina for a few moments, silence permeating the air. Carina was starting to feel like one of her suspects, caught and placed in interrogation to sweat a bit. She did not like being treated as such. She was the one of the best agents at the DEA. She didn't get treated like a criminal, she did the treating.

"As fun as this is guys, I do have elsewhere to be, so if we could get this started." Carina huffed out, switching her crossed legs.

"Tell us about Jose Cabrillo." Casey started giving her a hard look as he jumped in with the first question. Carina gave him a huge grin, leaning forward on the table.

"I'm sorry, you're not authorized to know the details of my mission." She said unblinking.

Sarah gave a slight smirk at her and sat further back in her chair staring down Carina. "You know that isn't true Carina. Your director had informed you to disclose all pertinent information pertaining to your case to assist us on moving on with ours."

Carina nodded at her, impressed. "That he did Walker, must have slipped my mind." She said still grinning. "What I'm curious about why the director of the DEA was so forth coming in ordering me to divulge in Intel that has nothing to do with the CIA," She said giving a pointed look before looking over at Casey. "Or NSA."

"The particulars of the case we are working on is above your paygrade DEA so spill what you know or I'll have to do it the fun way." Casey growled at her with a wolfish grin. Carina thankfully was able to hide the shudder that ran down her spine, not doubting him in the slightest that he would delight in extracting information out of her.

"Were you able to get my report?" Carina asked them. Casey held up the file with the DEA seal on it before slamming it back down to table without taking his eyes off of her. He could be so creepy at times she thought. She raised her perfectly drawn eyebrow knowingly.

"Well then. All you need to know is in that file." She stated simply, sitting back in her chair again.

"Are you aware that an associate of Jose's was terminated, as well as over half his organization in Florida?" Mary inquired.

Carina felt her heart beat an extra beat. Of course she knew. Jose had been royally pissed when the news arrived. It caused a major gap in his operations. Carina knew though they weren't asking this because of Jose however.

She schooled her features to show nothing, not even acknowledging what was said. After a few moments of silence with no response from Carina, Mary continued.

"This associate was his cousin. Then a week later, Jose himself is murdered as well as someone he was making a business deal with." She paused a second time. Carina continued to not react or volunteer any further information. She wanted to know what they had first. "According to your report, you had left alone a few minutes before they were killed. That was good timing Agent Miller."

"What can I say, they wanted to be alone, I left, and they died. No biggie." Carina said nonchalantly, though her heart did skip a couple beats before speeding up. "Are you guys working for Internal Affairs now?" She questioned annoyed. "Is there something about my report that you are questioning?"

"It depends, is there anything you want to add to it?" Casey butted in. Carina didn't' answer, just made eye contact with each of them, trying to discover their angle, but knowing for sure whatever it was, it was about Chuckles.

Sarah sat up straighter and looked Carina directly in the eyes. Carina could tell she'd changed in the past six years. She wasn't as hard looking or focused as she was before. She seemed softer and more at peace with herself, even with the war that was obvious her friend was battling. Carina couldn't imagine what it would be like for her friend, losing her memories, losing five years of her life.

Losing the man she had fallen in love with who in turned loved her above anything else.

She would never admit it out loud but she had been jealous of Sarah for years. Every agent in the field knew that she had been the best, she was the one they should all want to emulate. And though she is now a cautionary tale of a handler falling in love with her asset, secretly there are few agents who would truly not be jealous of her. They lived solitary lives, always in danger. Even their friends, who were fellow agents didn't even know each other's real names.

"Carina, is there anything else that you would like to add to your report?" Sarah asked softy, repeating Casey's question. Carina just met her eyes not answering.

Sarah visibly sighed, turning to glance at Mary briefly, getting a slight nod before opening the file in front of her. She pulled out a few photos and laid them on the table in front of Carina. She looked down at them and steeled her face further, slipping on her strongest Agent mask.

"Once more Carina." Sarah asked firmly. "Is there anything you would like to add?" Sarah pointed to the photos in front of her as Carina clenched her jaw to keep quiet.

Looking down at the photographs she saw they were surveillance photos from the club that night. She silently kicked herself for being sloppy and not destroying it, but in her defense, a club with the reputation it had, she was surprised there was any surveillance at all. The photos were of her and Chuck. One was from when she approached him once she had spotted him in the corner of the club, another of them walking with Jose to the back and lastly, of them walking out of the club after Chuck shocked the crap out of her by killing Jose and Mika.

She had to work to contain the small smile that wanted to grace her face from seeing that last photo. She was wearing Chuck's jacket. It was a beautiful black wool material. It felt slightly heavy and kept her warm as they exited the club that night. The air had been chilled down on the pier and she was grateful for that jacket. She still had it, Chuck leaving it with her. He had wrapped his arm around her waist as they walked quickly away and out of the club. She hated to admit it but she was unnerved and slightly off beat after what had happened, not expecting Chuck to pull out a gun right there and shoot them.

She looked back up at Sarah stonily, still refusing to say anything and beginning to worry more about Chuck. It was obvious that they weren't looking for him just out of concern for his wellbeing. It was obvious that Chuck was in some kind of trouble and from the seriousness of those at the table and the direct order from her director to disclose anything they asked in regards to the murder, it was obvious that whatever it was, it was big.

"Carina, please." A quiet voice off to her left begged. She looked over at Morgan, seeing his desperation, the only one not trained to school their features. She admired the little guy. He had no spy skills and he was kind of creepy, but she respected his loyalty to his friends and to his girlfriend, and his bravery to do whatever he can to help them. She had never had anyone turn her down before and while he did give in the first time, it amazed her that he did it a second time. She sighed sitting forward again.

"Sorry Martin. I can't help you." She said simply. She gave him a weak smile at referring to him in the wrong name again. They had long ago gotten over that and she had learned his proper name but he will always be Martin to her. It was their thing, and she's never had a 'thing' with anyone before. Somehow this little gnome of a man picked up on it and just started letting it go with a smile.

Morgan moved his chair closer to hers, leaning into her personal space. It surprised her a little since he'd been trying to get away from her since Sarah's' wedding reception, but it worked in getting her to look directly at him and fully see his tired and stressed looking features.

"I can't even pretend to express to you the importance of this. Please. You have to tell us." He begged her. She just shook her head and turned away, unable to look at his sad puppy eyes for more than a second at a time.

"Look, Carina. Anything you say here is strictly confidential. We are not reviewing your report for inaccuracies or anything. We need to know the truth." Mary stated. Carina was beyond confused now. Whatever was happening then felt like an interrogation, and it felt like it would go on record. It surprised her that they just wanted the info and not looking for something else.

"Tell me why you want to know." She said easily. They want information, she might as well find out why first. None of the other occupants spoke at first. She was starting to get annoyed. Being a spy herself she knew how important keeping information away was, but even she knew that to get information you sometimes had to give it up and these people were complete mums on it.

Carina stood up, stacked the photos sitting in front of her and tossing them on the open folder in front of Sarah before turning to leave. She had better things to do, and she kind of wanted to inform Chuck of this. She wanted to tip him off so he could escape before they went after him. But before she could get too far Casey had stood up and blocked her way. She gave her most fierce expression possible and told him in the most deadly voice to get out of her way. Casey just returned a growl that made an angry lion sound kind.

"I'll tell you. Carina." Sarah said not looking at her but at the photos on the table. Carina turned back to the table, with a slight smile and a smug appearance at winning, though she hardly cared. She wanted to know what the fuck was going on. She moved back to her seat and sat down expectantly, waiting for them to spin their little tale and wondering how much of it was true or accurate.

Casey walked next to the wall by the table and removed the covering that was there. Carina looked at it. It was some kind of timeline, crime scene photos, reports, Chuck, everything was there. What she saw horrified her. She stood up and walked to the wall, reading everything on there. She couldn't believe it. Chuck would never do this.

Or at least the Chuck Bartowski she knew before a few days ago anyways.

She stepped back from the wall at that thought. Yes he would do all this. Perhaps not the old Chuck but whatever happened to him to change him. He was very capable of it now. She witnessed it. Witnessed him shooting two men point blank in the head then walk away as if it were nothing, with her on his arm. She suddenly felt sick and turned away back to her seat unable to look at the wall any longer.

"What is going on?" She finally asked after taking a few beats to compose herself. Nobody answered and she was getting pissed off. "What the fuck is going on. Why do you need to find him so badly?"

"Chuck is not himself." Morgan finally said.

"Grimes! This is classified." Casey growled angrily at Morgan. To her surprise Morgan glared right back at him. It wasn't particularly intimidating but it certainly was a good try, especially for someone of Morgan's size who could be crushed like a bug by John Casey. Again she had to admire him.

"She has information we need. And if telling her will get it then that is what I'm going to do." He told him firmly. He then turned to Carina. "Long story short: Chuck is sick. He fell apart after Sarah left and the government decided they wanted him so they gave him a drug in which gets rid of emotions and used it to control him, but he escaped and is on the run."

Carina stared at him like he grew an extra head. So many questions popped into her head but she stopped them from coming through her mouth.

"This is a joke right?" She said simply, disbelieving. Morgan sighed and just sat back.

"I cannot tell you how much I wish this was a joke. This whole thing is a mess. And if we can't find him before someone else does, there's a termination order on him. His only hope for survival and getting out of this is us. We have to find him. So please. Please I'm begging you, tell us what you know. You were with Chuck the night Jose died. He killed him didn't he?" Morgan pleaded.

Carina thought for a moment, fought with her conscience and her mind. Her Agent self told her not to divulge any information. In the spy world information was a high commodity. The rest of her remembered how Chuck was and how he used to be, and desperately wanted to help. She hated that Chuck had made her feel a soft spot for him. That's never happened to her before with anyone. But meeting Chuck, seeing his nativity, and his caring nature, especially what he's done for Walker. Well, she couldn't help but adore and admire him.

"Are you working for or against the government?" She asked thoughtfully. "If there's a kill order on him why try to save him?"

Sarah gave a tired sight and Carina took the moment to really look at her. She still looked her same beautiful self but she could see that her friend was tired and worn. Battling her own mind and memories seemed to be draining her, and then this whole thing with her husband.

"We were brought in by the CIA to find him. They feel we'll have a better chance of it. Officially they want us to bring him in, but unofficially, they prefer him dead." Mary answered when no one else did. "He's my son Agent Miller, I don't want that to happen."

"I…why…he…" She didn't know where to start. What to say. She had never been more confused or conflicted in her whole life. Everything up till now had been easy, she worked for a government agency and that was who she was loyal to. However, things change.

"Whatever you tell us will not be going in any report. Everything is off the record. Not even these surveillance pictures will go in. The government is putting on this man hunt off the books because of how important he is, and so are we. We got these because we found a connection with Chuck. So don't worry about getting in trouble or anything." Mary encouraged, seeing Carina hesitate.

Carina just glared at her. "I don't care about trouble. I care about my promise to Chuck." She spat annoyed. Everyone looked at her at that statement in surprise. Though if it was because she finally admitted to seeing Chuck or that she made a promise to him, she wasn't sure.

"You made a promise to Chuck?" Sarah said softly. Carina softened a bit at the saddened look in her eyes for a moment before remembering what Chuck had said right before she kissed him.

"Sarah made her choice and I wasn't it." He had seemed so resolved in his statement. He had accepted it, and whether it was from this drug they mentioned or his needing to be detached from the pain, she still saw the sadness in his eyes.

But looking over at her friend now, the saddened worried look on her face, the way she held herself. Sarah Walker was beginning to remember she was a Bartowski, and she felt what was left in her heart break for Chuck, for thinking and truly believing that Sarah was gone from him.

"I met him at the club. It wasn't intentional, he was just there drinking and watching out and I approached him. I was meeting Jose there. He…" She paused, feeling like she was betraying him. "He said he was there to take out Jose and Mika. He was just so different." She said that last part mostly to herself.

"Jose, had come up behind me, and I introduced him to Chuck." She gave a small laugh. "He still goes by Carmichael. Charles Carmichael. Though with being on the run I should have suggested he try something else." She looked over at Sarah who returned her smile, but it didn't meet her eyes. Morgan was hunched over the table next to her enthralled in her story.

"I informed Jose that he was in the shipping business, and suggested that they should talk. Jose took my word as a voucher and invited him to the back with the two of us while he conducted his business. While we were all toasting the agreement, Jose and Mika became interested in Chuck's shipping business, obviously thinking on how they can get their products out."

Carina stopped talking for a moment, gathering herself. She hated how much this affected her, especially to the point where she was showing weakness in front of others. More specifically in front of other spies.

"He apparently got tired of it as he pulled out a gun with a silencer and just shot them. Jose's arm was still around me. I had blood all over me from the splatter. I could barely breathe for a moment." She paused and looked at everyone. They were all disturbed, as well they should be.

"He took off his coat in the booth and handed it to me with a handkerchief thing to wipe my face. I put on the coat and we walked out. I told the guards they wanted some time alone and left. "

Morgan covered his face with his hands in distress. She felt a pang of sympathy for him. Chuck was his best friend after all.

"Where did you go after you left the club" Casey came in again. Carina licked her lips and thought for a moment. She thought about lying, but the desperate looks on each of their faces told her she shouldn't.

"After we left the club we ran down to the pier. We stood there and chatted for a bit. Kind of. More staring into the water. He asked me what was next, and I told him I'd report to my bosses. He inquired then if I was going to mention him. I could tell he didn't want me to. I had no idea what he was doing, or what was going on. But I told him that I wouldn't mention him. "

"He just killed two people and you didn't bother asking if it was sanctioned or what the plan was or anything? You just go along with it?" Casey asked, clearly upset that she had just let that happened. Carina however, didn't answer his question while Morgan and Sarah glared at him. Sarah looked apologetically at her, silently urging her to continue.

"What happened after that? Did you go your separate ways?" She asked. Carina couldn't meet her eyes. This was her best friend. Even though Chuck had said it was over she knew it wasn't. It may have been physically over but it was obvious even at that moment that he still loved her. That Sarah Walker was in his heart and would be the only one there for the rest of his life. If only she had known how short that would be, she would have done more at the time to help him run. "Carina?" She prodded when there was no response.

"You fucked him didn't you?" Casey ground out. Carina didn't respond to him. Didn't really need to. She knew Casey though of her as nothing but a whore. It wouldn't be a surprise if she admitted it.

She turned her eyes to Sarah, taking in her reaction to the idea that she had slept with her husband even though she herself had basically tossed him away. She could see the struggle Sarah was fighting against herself to keep a stoic expression, to act like the thought didn't hurt her. But Carina could see through her mask. See the way Sarah's eyes looked slightly sadder, her demander slacken just a bit.

"Carina, please tell me you didn't." Morgan said next to her, always willing her to deny it. It puzzled her how Morgan even looked slightly upset over the prospect of her sleeping with his best friend. Though if it was because Chuck also got to experience her many talents in the bedroom, or because of concern for Chuck and the prospect that he had technically cheated on Sarah.

"I didn't." She sighed out breathlessly after a long pause. Casey scoffed.

"Yeah right." He said. She just glared at him for his comment and resisted putting her heel into his neck.

"I was going to, but we stopped." She said. Sarah looked up from the table at her then and Carina met her eyes once more, trying to convey to her that she was telling the truth. "We started making out on the pier and it got kinda heavy. Since we had just blown my case away I hadn't a place to stay at that second so he invited me to his hotel. When we got there we continued what we were doing earlier, moving it over to the bed of course." She gave a sly wink at Casey at that just to riel him up. The grizzly growl from him showed it worked and she suppressed a smug grin. "We were really getting into it but then he suddenly stopped. He said he couldn't and then he just kinda collapsed next to me on the bed." She said looking away then, not wanting to confess that while that would really piss her off normally, it had worried her instead, the way he dropped and started shaking as if in pain.

"We laid there for a little bit. Maybe an hour. I asked him if it was Sarah." She looked back to her friend then, seeing the tiny hopefulness in her eyes. "He said, even though she doesn't love him anymore, he can't bring himself to be with anyone else. She will always have his heart." She told them, glancing back at Casey. "That's a direct quote so you may want to include that."

With that proclamation Sarah stood up quickly and walked to the other side of the room with Carina staring after her. She could tell that Sarah was becoming overwhelmed. Could see it from the moment the blonde had sat at the table and started asking questions. Carina couldn't imagine what the struggle in her mind must be like. Running away from this only to have it come back in such a way. But it was undeniable that Sarah seemed somewhat relieved to hear that Chuck hadn't slept with Carina. Carina wasn't even sure if it would be considered cheating if your wife didn't even remember who you were. Though despite all that, sleeping with his wife's best friend would still be sleazy regardless. "What else?" Mary said quietly.

"We just lay there for a while. Talking. That's it. He is so messed up." She said the last part softly, more to herself, but she knew the others had heard her. "Eventually I fell asleep and sometime during the night he had left." That has surprised her. She was a very light sleeper. "When I woke up the next day the hotel room was empty of anything of his except his coat that I had worn after he….well. You know." She stopped, she knew she needed to tell them about the hotel, but she was still horrified herself. Horrified that she had let someone crawl under her skin without even realizing it. She had let him see the real Carina that night as they talked. Well, she talked, he mostly listened. There was just something about Chuck Bartowski that made spies weak enough to spill their secrets. It was a mystery.

"Do you know where he went?" Mary asked her after a small stretch of silence. . Carina shook her head negatively.

"No, he was just gone when I woke up. If he had any possessions they were gone too. He had left the Hotel key on the table with some cash and a note saying breakfast was on him." Carina laughed lightly at that memory. When she had seen the note and bills lying there she just shook her head with a smile, that even though they didn't actually sleep together, Chuck was still classy enough to buy a girl breakfast after. She still had that note. It was in the jacket pocket in her suitcase. She wasn't sure why she kept it but she did.

Carina hesitated in telling them anymore. It was important, she knew that, especially now that she had more facts. But she felt a weird loyalty to Chuck, and had some kind of need to protect him. However the worried faces on those around her at the moment, the genuine concern for him and not just because of what he's been doing lately, urged her to keep talking.

"Though…there's something, I think you should know." Carina started, worrying her lips through her teeth light. All attention was on her tension rose as Carina second guessed herself for a moment. "I went into the bathroom to take a shower" She said "there were shards of glass everywhere. They were covered with blood."

"Do you think he's bringing victims back with him?" Mary asked the others an almost fearful tone in her voice. That was more worrisome.

"No, I think it was him." Carina whispered. Morgan gasped loudly beside her, lowering his face to his hand and pinching his nose in worry. Though considering the others were shocked and horrified and Morgan just seemed dismayed, she figured this wasn't the first time Chuck had dabbled in self-harm. For some reason that made her feel slightly sick, and wondered what would cause such a sweet guy to need to resort to that.

"You think Chuck's harming himself?" Mary asked angrily seemingly denying that it could be true. Remembering the agent was Bartowski's mother, and what he had told her about his childhood, Carina couldn't help but feel some disdain for the woman herself.

"You haven't seen him. You haven't been with him lady. He's fucked up in the worst way. I have no doubt that the mess in there is his." Carina spat back. She was starting to feel exhausted. This was exactly why she didn't let her feelings get involved.

"Is the hotel room as it is?" Casey asked, clenching his jaw.

"No. He was very adamant that I not inform anyone of my running into him. So I cleaned up everything and left."

"That was sloppy of him if he didn't want to be known." Casey stated, clearly insinuating that Chuck should have eliminated her too. It was something she had thought a lot about since she left that hotel.

"Perhaps he was off his game because of Carina. She was an unknown variable and he made a hasty retreat." Mary cut in. "Perhaps that's why there were only two deaths that night instead of the entire back room. Carina was there. He didn't want to put her in more danger."

"Well that explains all that but how does that help us find the next target before he does." Morgan stated grimly, going back to the files that were piled on the table.

Carina hesitated again for a moment. She had something that could help them, but hearing all of this she was hesitant to tell them. If he found out they would lose this card. And she would lose what little trust he had for her, and with his state of mind, that frightened more than she'd be willing to admit.

"There's one more thing." She said hesitantly. Sitting back in her chair a bit and pulled out a folded piece of paper she kept in her pocket. She unfolded it and set it on the table looking directly at Casey. "You may only get one shot on this. So I would use this wisely." She slid the paper towards Casey.

Sarah stood from her chair walked over to Casey's side looking down at the unfolded piece of scrap paper, mouth agape. On the note in Chucks neat handwriting was simply:

Leave a message. 503-555-7855

"He left you his phone number." Sarah said stunned.

A/N: Another one YAY! I'm working on the next one. Ive been extending it so I may have to break that chapter into 2 which is great cause YAY! more chapters!

Thanks to those who reviewed:

craspon: I guess she would have some emotions and feel responsiblity for Chuck but I have no idea. The unfortunate truth is I write what I know and understand and sadly, I dont feel those kind of emotions. I dont think I would feel any responsiblity for Chuck's situation. But lost memories actually do explain some of the lack of emotion, because she doesn't have the memories that would trigger an emotional response. or something like that.

Nomadic Nerd: HI! Yea its been really busy and I LOVE my new position. It cuts into my writing time but I still love it. I know, you're my fellow Morgan fan. I like to think i'm a lot like Morgan in the friend department (not work). I hate Devon. I'm gonna say it, I feel he's overcompensation for being so one dementional.

sevenrez: Hi! Thanks! I have some really good story ideas for Chuck but...i gotta finish this first *sigh*

phnxgrl: Thanks for reviewing! 


	9. Chapter 9

Thank you Charahkids for reading through the bad stuff and fixing to make it better.

So this chapter was originally chapter 7 in the original story, I broke it up however and re-wrote the first section and added a couple more sections to it so its halfway a new chapter.

Original Chapter: 3816 Words  
New Chapter: 4881 words (but mostly all new)

Chapter 9

The pain was unbearable. He could feel his mind tethering on the edge of insanity at the white sharp stings that felt like a thousand knives that rose through his body. He hadn't intended it to go this far but he didn't have a choice at this point. His body had started to build up a tolerance to the Laudanol, and he refused thus far to give in and take more, but he wasn't sure how long his resolve would last. He knew he would have to give in soon as his body shook with seizure like movements. It was times like this, while he was resisting taking more that he was glad he never tried any hard drugs before. Sure a little pot now and then growing up, who didn't do that? But the hard stuff, the crack, the meth. Feeling the pain he was in now he wondered if the pain of withdraw for those narcotics were half of what he was feeling now.

Chuck rolled slowly to his knees and tried to lift himself up off the floor. His next allowed dose wasn't for another 2 hours and he was determined to make it through. Chuck Bartowski had many flaws, he would be happy to sit down with anyone and list all of them, but one thing Chuck knew he had was determination. When he set his mind on a goal he did everything he could to achieve it. Only problem was, his mind was starting to fail him and he knew that would be a factor in the very near future.

He slowly crawled over to the desk provided by whatever crap hotel he was currently staying in and pulled himself up into the chair to sit in front of his computer. It took most of what little strength he had left and by the time he had gotten himself into the hard old chair, he was practically slumped upon the table top from exhaustion.

Chuck closed his eyes for several minutes, just focusing on his breathing, feeling his heart beat hard in his chest. If it weren't for the painful spasms of his body, he would have just happily flopped his floppy hair head on the desk and sleep. However no sleep would come to him, it never did. And when he was granted a few blessed moments of blackness, it was only for his own mind to torment him longer.

Giving a few more deep breaths Chuck pushed himself from the table and sat more fully in the chair. Moving the computer that sat before him closer to the edge, he opened the lid to the laptop and began logging in. It took several minutes to bypass all his security he placed on it, and he frequently in his exhaustion considers just putting in a normal password with a user name. But he is Orion's son, and he was the Intersect, and he knew that his enemies, the government, would love to get their hands on it.

Logging into the Buy More mainframe, Chuck quickly navigated to a hidden area on the site that only he could access. He was the only one who knew it was there. He was the one who put it in. It brought up the security feed from Castle allowing Chuck to watch those who were there without their knowledge. He had been monitoring the progress of his friends as they searched for him. Once Sarah used her code to get in, a notification was sent to him telling him of her entry. He had watched them frequently in the past two weeks as they progressed though report after report and watched hours of surveillance video that they had been given. He knew were brought together by Beckman to try to find him. She had used that same tactic a few times before, using the rest of the team to find the missing member.

Only they weren't a team anymore.

He had the advantage of being able to access the security systems. He was surprised nobody thought to disable them. With three spies and Morgan someone should have figured out by then that perhaps it would be a wise move. They knew the government was watching them, and Morgan knew very well how technologically savvy Chuck was.

He had thought many times over the past weeks to just go to them, give in and give up. Let them do as they will with him. End this all. He couldn't bring himself to do so though. He was a monster now. A mere shadow of his old self. Before he became this he knew he was just ruining the lives of those who had stayed around him. He knew falling apart the way he did was weak and pathetic. He knew it did nothing but hurt those he loved. That not being able to help him had caused them many sleepless nights, and probably an ulcer for Morgan. He couldn't help it. No matter how hard he tried to dig himself up from the hell of his mind he couldn't do it. He was trapped.

And now, he was just horrified by himself. Yes horrified. He was starting to feel again much to his disdain. He hated how he felt or rather didn't feel while on the Laudanol. But even worse was when the emotions stopped being suppressed, which was more and more as his tolerance built. Slowly over the past few months since his escape the Laudanol had somehow stopped working so well. It hit a plateau and then began to fall. Sometimes he couldn't tell if it were better if it worked or not. The drug allowed no feelings permitting him to do the Intersects bidding. To track down those people and kill them and whoever was there with no remorse.

But then it slowly stopped working. Not to the point where he wouldn't do what was needed, but enough that he felt sick, and repelled of himself. The people he had killed, the things he had done continued to torment him never-endingly since it started to not work. He felt their blood on his hands, in his clothes, on his face. Never able to get it off and get clean no matter how hot the water, how much soap he used, or if his skin was raw from the scrubbing.

He could hear their screams in his head at all times, no matter what he was doing. Their cries, the beginning, their fear. It all permeated inside of his mind, ricocheting around making it impossible for him to think, or speak, or focus.

It was at those times that he is the most grateful for the Intersect. The thing had been nothing but nightmare since Bryce Larkin first sent it to him. And with all the upgrades and everything the designers had added through the years from Elle's research with their fathers' computer, it had become a disaster. Despite what they had intended, the Intersect is not capable of doing what the government wants it to do. With too many variables to the human mind, and the fact that nothing is black and white in information, it would never be what they want it to be.

And right now all it did was replay the nightmare that has been his actions while on the Laudanol and demanding he take more action. Or more precisely, forcing him into more action. Chuck was under no delusion, he knew he didn't control the Intersect now. It was the other way around.

In sort though he was a monster, and he knew it, and now he couldn't deal with it. He didn't want to infect those around him. He didn't want them to have to deal with the backlash of this drug. Didn't want them to be afraid of him, and he didn't want to hurt them in the way the Intersect would eventually demand.

He watched all of the surveillance, he knew they were tasked with brining him in before the rest of the government. There was a termination order out on him. He welcomed it. If he didn't feel he should at least take down as many bad guys as he could beforehand he would just go back to the government and let them do the deed. Or maybe go back to Burbank and see if they'd be willing to help take out the monsters that the Intersect frequently flashes on.

No, he won't go to his friends. Won't dirty their hands more than they already were. But he was proud of them. He had watched them as they pieced together the crime scenes and figured out his sequence of moves. When Morgan discovered the Baltimore murder of Jose, Chuck couldn't stop his heart from soaring a bit. His little friend was becoming quite the spy and he couldn't help but be a bit proud. He missed his friend.

A stab of pain spasmed through Chuck's body as he watched the feed. It took his breath away and he leaned heavily over the laptop trying to gain his breath back as his lungs burned for the much needed oxygen. Elbows planted firmly on the desk his fingers crawled up the side of his face and wrapped their boney length into the sweat soaked strands, trying to refrain himself from pulling too hard and just ripping the curls right out of his scalp.

The small amount of pain he had inflicted upon himself wasn't enough however and his mind screamed out as his nerves seemed to catch fire. He felt his small bit of sanity start to slip away but held fast to it.

Taking as deep of breaths as possible he was able to finally lift his body up off the table enough and turn back to the computer. The clock on the bottom showed he still had another hour and half before his next dose. Tears stung his eyes as his body sagged once more, not knowing if he would be able to wait that long.

To try to distract himself Chuck clicked on the feeds links on the desktop finally bringing up the security feeds from Castle. His heart jumped to the bottom of his stomach as he spotted Carina's dark red hair. He didn't have to wonder what she was doing there, he could guess and be perfectly on target. Chuck listened in as they interrogated her about Baltimore. She put up a good fight and if he could feel anything other than pain and self-hatred he knew he would be grateful for it. He could see as time stretched on that her resolve began to falter. His friends put on a good case on why she should tell them what they want to know. Practically begging her to help them. Eventually with a last look at Morgan and seeing the desperation on Chuck's most loyal friend, Chuck could see her mask begin to fade.

She gave up a good fight, Chuck could concede to that, but that didn't stop the stab of betrayal as she pulled out a piece of paper from her pocket and unfolded it. She placed it in front of Casey and Chuck watched as Sarah stood up from her chair and walk around the large man to view what was on it. He knew what it was without having to adjust the camera.

It had been on a moment of weakness that caused him to have left a phone number in the jacket pocket, in case she really needed to get in touch with him, and secretly he hoped that she would. He had listened to her pour her heart out, probably for the first time in her entire life and he saw beneath the façade that is Carina Miller, there is just a lonely woman who wanted what everybody wanted. To be loved. Not just loved but loved for who they really were, the real person behind the spy. Stefania Lisiewicz, third daughter of Polish immigrants. She had admitted that she hadn't even spoken to her family in over a decade, she wasn't even sure if her elderly parents were still alive.

He could commiserate with her completely. Though he hadn't been cut off from his family for as long as she had, the isolation had been starting to get to him. He was a social creature by nature, always needing to be around people, always needing to be social and interacting with them. Sarah never admitted to him, and probably never would have but he knew that was part of what drew her to him. She was used to being alone, never having friends or a real life outside a cover and he had offered it to her with his heart on his sleeve and no strings attached. And not just once. Despite the rejections from her he had continued to offer it to her until one day she had taken his hand, and accepted his friendship was genuine and real.

He felt anger course through him exacerbating the physical pain he was already in. Whine he did understand why Carina did it, he still felt betrayed in a way. It had just emphasized that yet again he had put his trust in the wrong person, though the anger did lessen a bit at seeing Sarah's beautiful face. She looked up at Carina with a sort of shock and wonder in her features, but if he looked hard enough Chuck could probably convince himself that he also saw some elation. Though if it was finally being able to capture him or help him he didn't know, and to be honest he really didn't want to find out.

Seeing Sarah, the first time he saw her in Castle; there was the thought of hope. Did she come back for him? Did she remember him? Thoughts along those lines floated through his head for days after first seeing her there. During that time the pain he was in was almost tolerable. He could almost feel the love he had for her push through and though feeling caused him excruciating pain, he was willing to risk it to feel his love for Sarah. That had faded since though much to his dismay. Hearing her voice, watching her peruse through files and build the timeline. Her only goal was to bring him in. She was a CIA agent and she had orders. The love of his life didn't remember him outside of this mission, and therefore would not have a need to help him.

Chuck looked at the clock again, one hour to go. 'Fuck it.' He thought to himself. He reached over and grabbed the bottle taking out a white green capsule and swallowing it whole. He felt it start to work almost instantly as the numbness in his body spread out leaving him without any feelings, emotionally or physically. Closing his eyes in a moment of relief Chuck let himself drift in the momentary bliss and let his body fall hard out of his chair and upon the floor. He laid there with his eyes shut, staring at the blackness that listening to his breath and feeling his heart beat through his veins.

He wanted this to just end.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Bad bad bad, this is a very bad idea." Morgan muttered as he paced the living room of the apartment he shared with his girlfriend. He had just come back from Castle, having to leave as quickly as possible while the others continued with the planning.

The plan was to lure Chuck and then hit him with a tranq gun to knock him out before moving him to some secret location. Where that location would be Morgan didn't know because that was about the time that he had had enough and made a clumsy yet hasty exit.

It was a familiar thing to do, strategize the best way to take out an enemy and to be sure you have a backup plan, then a backup plan for the backup plan. It was something he and Chuck had done their entire lives when it came to gaming. Though Team Chuck mostly tried to keep Morgan out of anything real dangerous, he had even been in a few Strat meetings with Casey and Sarah. They had been impressed with his vision at the game but it was nothing to what Morgan felt, being in the presence of professionals. Sometimes it go too real for him.

But he had never thought that he would ever have to use any of those skills on Chuck. He didn't like that he had to trap his best friend but the alternative was just not acceptable. The alternative being that some unknown government Agent got to him first.

"Morgan?" Alex's voice rang out as she opened the front door. He stopped in his pacing and gave her a wane smile, but even he could feel it was forced as his eyes prickled but he was able to stop himself from full out crying. He's had practice. It was never a good thing to cry in front of bullies in school, they seem to hit slightly harder.

Alex though always seemed perceptive, especially to Morgan so with a sad tilt of her head she closed the front door than the distance between them and wrapped her arms tightly around him. He hitched his breath at the scene of her shampoo as it tickled his nose and yet again he wondered how this beautiful kind creature was the spawn of big gruff John Casey.

"It's going to be alright Morgan, you'll see." Alex said soothingly, finally pushing a little away from him. He wanted to deny it but there was something in her voice that told him to listen. He shook his head quickly to break the spell she had over him and took a few steps away.

"It won't be alright Alex, and you know it too. No matter what actually happens, the truth is, I've lost Chuck. My best friend in the whole world is gone."

"Morgan-"

"It's true. Even if we capture him, then what? He's still destroyed by the Intersect and even more so by that drug they forced down his throat. I may be a complete and utter nerd but even I know the effects drugs has on people."

"Morgan-"

"And even if he could get past those two things there's still the fact that he's wanted by the entire government. Because of what he knows he's probably the most hunted man in the entire country, and I know Chuck, he doesn't being hunted. He doesn't even like it when you sneak up behind him to scare him."

"I know and I'm sure-"

"And can I just ask one more thing? Why Sarah? Why bring her into this. This whole thing is her fault to begin with."

"You don't mean that Morgan, she didn't choose to lose her memories." Alex said, finally being able to get a word in.

"No, but it's her fault for coming here in the first place. She should have left as soon as she saw Chuck had real feelings for her, but no, she stayed. She stayed in Burbank pretending to be his girlfriend while Chuck fell more and more under her spell until he was so far gone there was no coming back."

With that statement Morgan turned away from his girlfriend and walked toward the window toward the fountain. Ellie was out there with Clara, sitting on the side of the fountain while letting the little girl splash her hand in the cool water. He couldn't stop the smile that arose on his face as he watched.

Alex came up behind him silently and he could feel that she too was watching the little family scene. It caused his heart to beat a little wilder at the thought of perhaps it could be Alex in the future, sitting by the fountain with their own little child. He had always wanted kids, that was a given. He had so much nerd wisdom that he wanted to pass on to his own children, but for the first time it wasn't just him and his kid, it was him, his kid, and Alex, as the mother.

Maybe someday…

"I know the outcome looks bleak." Alex said softly behind him. "But he's in pain Morgan. No matter how bad the situation really is, the fact is he's alone and he's in pain and the whole world is literally out to get him."

"I know and I don't know what to do." Morgan admitted finally turning away from the window. "I doubt an all-nighter of old school video gaming with never ending pizza and grape soda is going to fix it."

"He may not be able to be fixed Morgan. Please tell me you do realize that." Alex grabbed his hand and he held on tight, yet again grateful to have found her.

"I do and that's what scares me the most. I know I may have to let my best friend on this whole planet go." He said morosely looking down at the ground for a moment before meeting his girlfriend's eyes once more. "But I'm going to do the best that I can to be there with him when it happens so he's not alone."

***((***))*******

Casey sat at the large table with at least 15 different guns in front of him. It had pained him to leave them behind in Castle after he took off with Gertrude but Chuck had promised that they would be safe and sound and that Casey could come back at any time to clean or use them.

He didn't say it at the time but Casey was very touched by that. Though he kept his own arsenal in the apartment he had once shared with the gnome, Casey had placed his most precious weapons in Castle, knowing that they would be safe from thieves and nerds alike.

Hell, Chuck had even installed a sound system to play the Neil Diamond Discography to the beautiful machines. If he could cry, Casey was sure he would. And then kill anyone who saw of course.

The mission to capture Chuck was to go down that night, and as always before a mission, Casey cleaned his equipment's, paid some bills, general things. It calmed his mind and allowed him to focus on the upcoming task. He'd deny it even over torture, but even the great John Casey, cold-blooded killer extraordinaire needed some peace to clear his mind before killing people. It was something he had gotten used to a long time ago, but an unmetered mind leads to sloppy work and John Casey was anything but sloppy.

However pleasurable his activity was however, his peace was being disturbed by the distracted appearance of Sarah Walker who sat directly in front of him. In front of her were reports and a legal pad next to it which she was using to take notes, however her eyes weren't on the paper and her pen was being chewed on. It was a huge contrast to the stoic agent that he had first seen again in General Beckman's office a few weeks ago.

A tiny smug smile crossed his face that he hid expertly by focusing back on the machine in front of him, cleaning the barrel, buffering the prints off. It was easy for anyone who had any training to notice the change in Agent Walker. As the days went on slowly the old new Sarah began to appear more and more. The more she interacted with the people and things in Burbank seemed to be breaking down whatever wall had been built up when the Intersect had wiped her memories.

She even began taking a softer yet desperate tone in searching for Chuck, similar to what had happened when he was kidnapped and held in Thailand. Only now instead of her focus being on a Thai Ambassador, it was now focused on Carina Miller who sat in the other room staring up at the wall, still aghast. Something he had never seen on the red heads face before.

"If you narrow your eyes a bit more maybe her head will explode in a gruesome yet comical fashion." Casey said, placing the gun he was cleaning back onto the table before reaching for another.

"What?" Sarah asked dumfounded, causing Casey to roll his eyes.

"You've been staring at Carina for over an hour now. Either you want to sleep with her or you want to kill her." He stated knowingly as Sarah narrowed her own eyes at him.

"Neither." She said simply.

"Then why are you staring at her like the distasteful disease that she is?" He asked her. He watched as Sarah bit her lower lip and tapped her pen on the table. Yet another sign that the old new Sarah was coming out more.

"Do you think she slept with Chuck?" She finally asked, looking down at the paper obviously feeling disgusted with herself that she had let that bother her and even more that she admitted it.

"Would it matter if it did? He's a free man." Casey stated disinterested, carefully watching Sarah's every move out of the corner of his eye. "I mean the gnome didn't mention anything about a divorce, but I'm pretty sure when your wife walks away and moves to the other side of the country with no communication of any sort, that it's basically a green flag saying 'have at it.'"

Sarah seemed to mull over that for a moment as Carina's phone rang in the other room. The two spies watched her carefully as she looked down at the screen briefly, each wondering if it was Chuck before the DEA Agent picked up with a 'Director" on her tongue.

The two spies relaxed once again, returning to what they were doing. Casey gave a sigh of annoyance. They have been waiting for at least six hours for Bartowski to return Carina's call and he has yet to do it. Just another odd thing to add to the list of odd things. Bartowski was always quick with a reply, even if it was just a call to say he couldn't talk and he'd call later.

"I know we're not together, and I know that he could sleep whomever he wants..." Sarah started calmly as she turned from the spot on the table to look back at Carina again.

"But she's your friend." Casey finished thought it was a dumb thought. Carina would sleep with a fly if it got her mission done. She had no morals.

"No, I know she would do that, regardless of the situation." Sarah replied, seemingly reading his thoughts. "But Chuck, he wouldn't."

Casey gave a huff and a growl. "And what makes you so sure? You barely remember him." He pointed out, but Sarah turned her gaze on his, firm and sure.

"Because Chuck is too nice a guy to sleep with his estranged wife's best friend." Sarah said steadfast, but he knew there was more to it.

"So if you're so sure than why are you questioning her word about it. She said she didn't, and she's not one to lie about who she fucks." Casey questioned.

Sarah lowered her eyes for a moment before looking back up at him again. He could tell she didn't like revealing so much of what she was feeling, it was a spy thing. But the incessant tapping began again and he wanted to break her fingers.

"Because I can tell that Carina genuinely cares about Chuck and he's not his normal self." Sarah stated. "She maybe a slut but she's very loyal, and if she believes that admitting to sleeping with Chuck would hurt him in some way that she would lie in a second."

"How would lying to you about their bedroom activities hurt Chuck?" Casey asked incredulously, not exactly seeing where Sarah was going on this one. She was way off course of what he thought was going on in her head.

"She told us herself, Chuck obviously still feels something for me. Her telling me that she slept with my husband would hurt him. He may believe we're over, but either my distress or disinterest in it would hurt him somehow. And therefore, Carina would lie."

Casey stared at her with a quirked brow for several minutes. He could see the logic in it as he remembered how it was when he had slept with that Hannah girl and Sarah found out. He had brought donuts that morning due to his cheery mood but it had quickly faded as Casey announced in answer to Sarah's question, that he had in fact gotten laid the previous night. Sarah had feigned disinterest and Chuck was downtrodden over the fact he felt like he cheated on Sarah, and that Sarah appeared to not care.

Oh the drama of the Charah relationship. (A term coined by Morgan that he has yet to get out of his head)

"You keep thinking that." Casey finally said as once again Carina's phone rang.

"Hello?" Carina had said into the phone. "Hi Chuck."

A/N: There you go. Thanks to those who read and even more to those who reviewed. If you reviewed and aren't listed below i'm sorry, I think its time to clean out my email.

Aryan229: YAY! glad to hear it.

tasteywheat: Ha! It is. I'm from Portland. I'm glad yo'ure enjoying the re-write. I was never happy with the original draft. I live for the love/hate! And i do abuse poor chuck. I know that and have often admitted it. I suffer severely from depression and anxiety and I feel abusing Chuck lets me vent out my frusterations in a semi-safe way.

phnxgrl: Glad you liked it!

bahall1964: Thank you. I love the dark. I love exploring the darkness in everyone. Its a great learning expierience.

sevenrez: Who doesn't love a good cameo.

CaptainRex12: Thank you for the compliment. The confrontation will be the next chapter. I have it mostly re-written. I hope it turns out well..


	10. Chapter 10

Here's another one.

Originally this was part of the "original' chapter 7 but I split it up and put it in 2 chapters and here well the other part. Thank you the Charahkids for the beta!

Chapter 10

Sarah's heart pounded in her chest as she hid behind a pile of boxes. They had come up with a plan and had Carina call the number Chuck left with her to make arrangements and have him meet her in an empty building near Center Street. Carina had been against it at first. She had argued against every angle of the plan. Sarah saw the concern in Carina's eyes though, she tried to hide it, for Chuck and it brought a slight smile to Sarah's face at the effect this one man seemed to have on people. Eventually they convinced Carina and she had made the call, leaving a voice mail as he had instructed and they had waited for him to return it.

That was what lead her to be crouched behind boxes. Mary was on the other side of the room in a similar stance while Casey was outside the building with a long range tranq gun. Carina stood in the middle of the large open room, pacing around the boxes, looking out for Chuck's arrival. She looked uncharacteristically nervous with her arms wrapped tightly around herself.

Sarah could relate.

She was nervous as well, and if she was honest with herself a little scared. These three and half weeks of being in Burbank, of spending time with Casey, Morgan and Mary had brought back more and more of her memories, and with them, the feelings associated with them.

They had been weak at first but as time went on they grew more and more until she almost felt physically sick from all the pain and anxiety of the whole situation. It had put all her spy training to the test to keep her wits about her and to keep her feelings hidden. Chuck was still a mystery to her in a lot of ways but time was mending that and she felt disgusted with herself that she had left the way she did.

It was Devon's idea that she come out of the basement and go see Ellie. Sarah put it off for as long as she could, faint memories of how protective the older woman was especially about her little brother actually shot fear through her stomach. In the end though she finally acquiesce and followed Devon back to Casa Bartowski to get it over with.

Spending time with Ellie at first was awkward, as Ellie, though understood her situation blamed her entirely for what had happened to her little brother, as expected. But after a couple of hours and letting Ellie vent her feelings of anger, betrayal, and most of all fear, they had both, surprisingly to herself, sobbed apologies and made friends again. Sarah swore to Ellie that she would find Chuck and bring him back.

Strangely she felt better after the encounter.

Which was good as Ellie was the only person in Burbank she felt comfortable talking to about the memories coming back. Sorting them out and actually talking about her feelings. She had smiled sadly at that thought. Chuck would have loved to be there for that. He had always since the beginning tried to get Sarah to open up, to be honest, and to share how she was feeling. She regrets now how often she had shot him down, reminded him she was a spy and that everything had to be kept to herself.

"I don't think he's going to show." Sarah heard in her ear. She looked over at Carina who had stopped her pacing and just stood in the center of the room now. Sarah could see her eyes from the light above shift back and forth as she scanned the area for anything out of place.

"Patience Miller. Bartowski is a moron but he's not stupid. He's probably checking around." Casey responded annoyed. Silence descended once more as the spies remained alert for any activity. Ten minutes later Sarah was about to agree with Carina and suggest they go back and come up with another plan when a soft sound of someone landing startled her.

She looked out towards Carina who had turned around quickly at the sound as well and there, in what would have been all his glory, stood Chuck Bartowski. Sarah watched like a hawk as Carina and Chuck slowly circled each other, not saying anything, obviously checking each for weapons and traps. Sarah hoped that they had planned well enough and that he wouldn't notice anything. Chuck was an observant guy to begin with, but with the Intersect, it made him even more lethal.

Sarah took the moment to finally get a look at Chuck. She had seen so many pictures and surveillance video but this was the first time she saw him in person since the day she left him on the beach. She held her breath as she apprised him, feeling the blood in her face leave as she starred in horror and sadness. His tall lanky form that haunted her memories was more skeletal then before. The dark clothing on his body draped loosely and hung off him. His face was gaunt with dark translucent bags under his eyes showing months of sleeplessness. His chin and upper lip covered in a thin stubble beard and his hair was slightly longer than the photos she'd recently seen.

In all appearances, Chuck was a lot worse off than he had originally appeared from the photos from Baltimore, and the report from Carina. Sarah had to stifle a small sob that threated to escape, not wanting to give away her position yet. She felt sick to her stomach at the thought that she had helped do this to him. She may not have forced the drug down this throat but if she had just stayed as her heart was telling her he wouldn't have been left so vulnerable.

"What did you call about?" Chuck started, his voice sounding hoarse. Sarah listed in on the ear piece, his voice low and gravely from misuse. He sounded tired and wary, and though he trusted Carina enough to leave a phone number, his tight stance showed that he didn't trust her completely as he stood poised and ready to attack. Carina stepped closer to him, reaching out for his hand, but he stepped away quickly, surprising Sarah with the speed he still possessed despite appearances. Carina too seemed surprised at his movement but recovered quickly.

"Chuck, I was worried. I wanted to check on you and see how you were." Carina confessed. Chuck just stared at her, trying to detect a lie. The old Chuck would probably have believed Carina, but Sarah knew he wasn't the old Chuck. He was something else, something they should all be frightened of.

"I told you to only call if it were important." He spat out angrily.

"No you didn't Chuckie. You just left a little note saying to leave a message, which I did." Carina countered back lighthearted, but Sarah knew better. She knew Carina was geared to go should Chuck make any move.

"What do you want Carina." He ground out annoyed. Carina plastered an amused expression upon her face, taking a step forward towards him.

"Aren't you happy to see me Chuck? I missed you. After you left me in the hotel room all by my lonesome." She said.

"Yeah not even Bartowski would fall for this crap." Casey muttered in Sarah's ear, and she couldn't help but agree with him.

Chuck looked away from her looking into the distance. Sarah could see the sweat forming on his forehead. She was surprised, knowing the Laudanol suppressed emotions, his acting annoyed and angry at Carina was confusing her.

"Keep him talking." Sarah heard Mary tell Carina through the earwig.

"Seriously Chuck. I was just worried. You didn't look so good when I saw you." Carina offered as a kind of truce. "To be honest you look even worse now."

"Get him over to the left 3 feet; I'll have a good enough shot." Casey ordered.

Carina reached out for Chuck. He stared at her hand for a few beats before blinking and slowly reaching for it hesitantly. She walked backwards a few steps, as if to get him further into the light, but she stopped abruptly at the smirk that graced Chucks face.

Sarah's heart seemed to stop in fear at his gleam.

"Not very smart Carina." He hissed at her and quickly grabbed her on the arms and swung her around, a look of surprise as the prick of a needle pierced through her skin. Carina slumped heavily in Chuck's arms as he lowered her to the ground.

Sarah stood from her crouched position against all training and stared, mouth agape as he laid the red head on the cement. A flash of movement took her attention as she watched Mary come out from her own hiding spot and walked, stridently towards the center of the room calmly.

"Chuck, stop. It's time come in." She said firmly. Chuck's smile broadened further, frightening Sarah at the menacing expression that she knew shouldn't belong on him.

"Mom, long time no see. I see shooting me, tying me up and blowing up my childhood home isn't enough. Now you're going to turn me into the government that you chose over your family and let them deal with me once and for all?" He sneered at her. The venom behind his statement filled Sarah with dread. "You should have had them do that when you left the first time and saved yourself all this trouble."

"No Chuck. I want to help you." She said softly, taking a few steps towards him. "I want to help you Chuck. You need help."

Chuck recoiled as her hand reached out for him and stepped further away hiding in the shadows.

"You need to get him to where Carina is if you want me to tranq him." Casey grunted out annoyed. Mary took a step towards Chuck again but he responded unpredictably by pulling a gun from the back of his jeans and pointing it strait at his mother's head with a steady hand. Sarah couldn't take it anymore and broke all protocol and stepped into the light.

"Chuck, stop!" She shouted at him, staying on the fringe.

She watched Chucks eyes go wide in surprise at seeing Sarah in person for the first time. His gun lowered slightly and Sarah held her breath waiting for a moment to act but he quickly raised it back pointing it to Sarah instead. She walked slowly closer to him, schooling her face to hide the fear and sadness at seeing him this way. Her heart pounded loudly in her ears at each step but she kept her eyes on his, but he didn't waiver from his own stance, keeping the gun still drawn on her.

"Chuck, you're in way over your head and need help. Let us help you." She whispered to him when she was close enough. Chuck stiffened and narrowed his eyes for a moment, his eyes half closed in what Sarah recognized easily as a flash. She wondered what would have trigged it. "Chuck?" She whispered again.

Before she could say anything further however Mary had closed the remaining distance between them and in one fell swoop grabbed the arm that was holding the gun, pushing it to the side where it went off. Chuck immediately jumped into action swinging his leg back and pushing his elbow into her. Mary fell down hard as he lifted her arm and swung her over his shoulder. She fell on her back with a loud thud. Sarah was stunned for only a moment as she reached out to take down Chuck. She swung her arm and then kicked up to his side as he retaliated. He raised his knee to hit her gut; she backed her elbow into his face. He reeled back for a second before coming back at her with full force.

Mary jumped back in behind her but they were no match for Chuck. A few more hits and Mary was down for the count. Chuck kicked out at Sarah and sent her sailing through the pile of boxes behind her. It took a few beats for her to get her equilibrium back but by then Sarah couldn't move as Chuck sauntered cockily up to her. She panicked for a moment as she decided when to make her move for the knives she had hidden on her person.

He closed the distance slowly between them and Sarah took a glance behind him hoping Casey had come in during the fight. But Chuck stopped a few feet away and she looked back up at him just in time to see him flash again. Her heart beat faster, actually afraid of what was to come next, both knowing and not knowing what the Intersect inside his head could do.

"Where is the weapons cache?" Chuck shouted at her suddenly. She held her breath and looked up at him with narrowed her eyes in confusion.

"What…what are...?" She stammered.

"Don't lie to me Sibone. I know exactly what you are up to. Where did you hide them?" Chuck clenched his teeth and pressed further forward.

"Chuck…It's me, Sarah." She stammered out. He shook his head and she saw another flash take over. She sat up a little bit, raising her hand slowly to him but before she could get far he blinked back and with a speed she wouldn't believe he could possess by his appearance he had her pressed into the ground on top of her with a knife to her throat.

Sarah struggled to breathe as the air was knocked out of her. The knifes razor sharp edge dug lightly into her neck but she knew well enough that any wrong movement and it could easily slice through her skin killing her within moments as she bled out. Strangely, while she wasn't afraid to die, she was afraid of what it would do to Chuck once he realized what he had done to her.

"You've been naughty Landon. Blowing up that village. Do you have any idea what you've done?" He gritted through his teeth. "They were innocent!" Sarah was really starting to get scared now, not quite sure what was going on. She tried to speak but no words would come out. She could hear Casey shouting at her through the ear piece but she couldn't say anything. Nothing would come out as she focused on Chuck.

Chuck's eyes rolled again, another flash, this time causing his body to shake so hard she felt the knife gently nick her. She could tell there was something different in his flash for when he came out of it he dropped the knife easily and stood up quickly taking a few steps backwards from her. His hands crawled up the side of his face as he grabbed his hair tightly and he screamed. Ragged breath and sweat became more prominent of him as Sarah's heart ached at seeing Chuck display of such pain. He bent over himself as he stumbled away, crouching down, with a sad desperate sob escaping his lips. Sarah sat up slowly from her petrified position on the floor amongst the littered boxes. The discarded knife he had used just over a foot away.

The two stayed in their positions for several beats, Casey strangely going silent in her ear. After a moment or two Chuck's shaking stopped enough and he collapsed onto the floor. Sarah wanted to get up and go to him but stopped herself as she watched him pulled out a bottle from his pocket. She watched him pull out a pill from within and swallow it without hesitation. She knew exactly what it was as Chuck closed his eyes for a moment in some sort of blissful release before letting his body fall fully onto the ground. Sarah saw red seeing him like that. At that stupid pill. Horrified that such a little object could cause so much damage.

Chuck lied there on the floor for a few moments, gaining his breath back as Sarah watched over him. When he turned himself over slowly and obviously painfully, pushing himself up, she knew that they were about to lose their only chance to get him. He was unsteady and he closed his eyes for a second as if gathering his wits before opening them and looking at Sarah with a look of cold fury. She never thought she could ever see her Chuck look so deadly. Once on his feet he started to advance toward her again and Sarah slowly eased her fingers towards the nearest one on her person when the sound of a phone ringing startled them both.

Chuck grabbed the gun sitting down by his feet, pointing it at Sarah as he walked next to Mary looking for the offending object. Finding it in a pocket he looked at the screen before angrily holding it up for Sarah to see Morgan's face beam up at him. Clicking the 'accept' button Chuck put the phone to his ear not saying a word.

"Mrs. B? You there?" Morgan's voice said sounding kind of frantic. When he heard no response he just continued. "I think there's some government people here. They're out in the court yard. They are trying to blend in but I don't think they're doing that great a job if I can see them. They seem to be casing Chuck's, I mean, Ellie's place. "He babbled.

Chuck growled into the phone quietly, obviously startling Morgan on the other line.

"Casey? Is that you?" He asked confused. "I thought I called Mrs. B."

Chuck tossed the phone hard onto the cement floor breaking it into pieces before advancing towards Sarah again.

"You're using my sister? How could you? You were my wife!" He shouted at her. Sarah stood up then, determined to face him head on.

"What are you talking about, who was that Chuck?" She asked him knowing it was Morgan. He pointed his gun at her again, clicking the safety off.

"You're using my sister as bait. You think I would go there? You think I would endanger their lives? More importantly you would put them in harm's way?" Sarah wanted to step back at the force of Chuck's words but she was determined to stand up to him. "Do you not see what I've become? That I'm not in control. What if I hurt them?"

"We're not Chuck. I don't know who is there. But come with me and we'll find out." She said calmly. But Chuck was having none it.

"She's not like you Sarah. She can't defend herself. She has a baby! How dare you!" He strode towards her and she stepped back once but paused as his eyes went wide and he stopped mid step. He slowly looked down at his chest to see a dart sticking out.

"Bullseye!" Casey shouted in her ear. Chuck stare down at the dart for a moment before dropping the gun to the floor. He reached up slowly, obviously feeling the effects of the dart, and pulled it out of his chest in one quick movement. His eyes danced as he fought to not give in to the effect.

"I guess you win this round Walker." He slurred. Chuck tossed the dart to the ground and turned quickly making an escape. Too stunned to follow right away Sarah could only stand where she was as she watched him go.

"I'll try to follow him." Casey said. Sarah stood there for a moment longer before remembering Mary and Carina. She went over to check on them. Carina just knocked out from a tranq dart but Mary had suffered some injuries. She was starting to wake as Sarah checked what the damage was on the older woman.

"Chuck?" She mumbled as she sat up grimacing in pain. Sarah sat down on the ground next to her.

"He's gone. Casey hit him with a dart and he fled." She stated simply. "It barely fazed him. I don't think Casey will catch him."

Mary nodded and tried standing up. She had finally gotten into a semi standing position when Casey came in, his most annoyed expression plastered on his face.

"Got away huh?" Sarah asked, knowing the answer. If the situation wasn't so dyer she would have given have smiled at Casey's petulant expression. As it was, she feared what would happen to Chuck now.

"Well, he is on that drug. Guess it helps adrenaline so he could escape." Casey growled out. "Not sure if he actually escaped of if he was just able to hide. But regardless without the man power…" He trailed off and the other two nodded in agreement. They all knew they would not be calling in for assistance. That would be signing Chuck's death if the government found him first.

"We need to get to Ellie's. Morgan called, there were agents at the place. Chuck was not happy." Sarah said as she reached down to try to get Carina. Casey grunted and pushed her aside, picking Carina up and putting her over his shoulder.

"I suggest we get going then." He stated.

The ride back to Casa Bartowski was full of silence. Each thinking of the events that had taken place. When they pulled up to the building and got out they saw agents all around doing various non-descript jobs. Sarah was sure she heard Casey grunt out "morons" as they entered through the gate to the court yard where Alex and Morgan sat at the fountain waiting.

"What happened? I heard the phone crash before it disconnected." Morgan said in a staged whisper. Mary shook her head.

"I was out and Chuck answered your call. He was not pleased to hear that they are trying to use Ellie to get to him." Mary said. "I'll call Diane and see what she can do about keeping them away from Ellie. I know they want him but compromising her is not the way to do it."

"Or the best. I mean wouldn't he come here if she was in danger." Alex piped in. Casey put his hand on her shoulder and shook his head.

"Chuck is fiercely loyal and loves a lot of people. But trust me; I believe if anyone fucks with Ellie and Clara, he won't just come here. He will kill everyone and anyone who is in the vicinity." Casey stated. "And with that medication, it could include Ellie and Clara as well. He'd never come back from that"

"Why not Sarah?" Alex asked curiously. "Why not use her then, if not Ellie." Sarah thought about it for a moment. She had no doubt; especially after what Carina had told her that Chuck loved her. But she could take care of herself against bad guys. He knew she was independent and while he always worried about her, he always had faith in her abilities to defend herself.

"In the eyes of a child, mother is god." Sarah said simply. Everyone just stared at her confused. A small smile crept on her face, she remembered a movie she had watched based off a video game with Chuck. Silent Hill. She remembered that line from the end because Chuck had sniffled and she saw a tear fall from his eye. She had reached over and wiped it away gently before leaning in and giving him a tender kiss where it trailed.

"I love that line." He had whispered. "It reminds me of Ellie. Even when our parents were around, Ellie was the one to care for me the most. She raised me. In my eyes, I feel she's as close to being god as possible without actually being him."

Sarah smiled at the memory. She loved this place. Her memories came back faster and faster here. "Anybody who goes near Ellie will not just have to deal with Intersect Chuck, but Chuck himself. And I'm afraid for anyone who has to do that."

A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing.

CaptainRex12: Thank you very much I do try. And I'm in Portland, Oregon. Best state there is.

tasteywheat: Thanks! hope this is good for you too.

phnxgr: Thanks for reading!

zanex9: I know, it was such a bummer they took her memories away.


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